Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Ho Ho Ho

Marry Christmas!

Sunday, December 23, 2007


I hate school and I hate class
and I hate homework and I hate
twelve (12) page papers
and I hate grades,
but I hate myself.

And I hate my dad and I hate my mom and I hate
my sister and my sister's friends and my friends
and acquaintances
and myself
and people I've never met and racial minorities - especially blacks -
and women
and leaders of foreign nations
and the impoverished, flea-bitten bloated-bellied AIDS Babies of those nations,
but I hate myself.

And I hate Aeschylus and Sophocles and Euripides and
Socrates and Plato and Aristotle and
Derrida and Sam Beckett and
the Theater of the Avant Garde
and Theater
and logical derivations and doubly-linked-lists and especially AVL trees.

NYU and C and emails from my grandmother and The
World and God and my father and my grandfather and me and every one of my successes
and all of my failures.

I hate this blog and I hate this poem.

And I hate Global Warming and I hate
hybrid cars and The Economy and Adam
and Eve and Charles Darwin and Sigmund Freud,
but I hate myself.

I hate love and
I hate generosity and
I hate diarrhea
and Ayn Rand.
I hate hate and
I hate haters
and hate groups
and hate speech
and speech in general
as well as non-verbal communication and silence.
I hate love again and respect and children
and hope and happiness and suffering.
I hate death and life and my life and me
and my name and my toes and my id and my ego
and my boyhood and my nose and I hate
and my cock and my balls and my asshole and my mouth
and my interests and my intestines and my aorta and my neocortex too.

But most of all I hate you.
I hate your face and your breath and your ideas
and everything you think, say, and do.
I hate the money you make
and the sex you have
and the things you own.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
I hate you, the world, God, Christmas, and you.

But I hate myself.

If I get a diploma, I will burn it.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Size doesn't matter. Except when it does.

Holy Saint Francis, what a change is here! You will recall the twelve (12) page paper on which I was so recently working which turned out in the end to be a cowardly seven (7) page paper. Well, I embarked tonight to fill out the remaining pages with such extra time as I've been afforded. After a few hours of toil at the library, I jumped back home to do some stuff and plugged the new paper into OpenOffice to check my progress (I write the paper at the library in Google Docs, which has very poor page count estimates). Nine pages. Hmm, thought I. This is going to be a long night. Somewhat crestfallen but eager nonetheless, I returned again to the library for more toil. At 3am they finally evicted me from the stacks (the place with the book) and I relocated to the study lounge. The study lounge has iMacs with Word, so I took a deep breath, crossed my fingers, and pasted the paper in. Sixteen (16) pages. I finished the sentence I was working on, slapped my name on the top, and emailed that bad boy in. Done and done. On a related note, the eight (8) page paper I was also working on weighed in at a clean eight (8) pages. Yeehaw.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

News From the Front

Thought I would continue last night's tradition of liveblogging from the library. It's 12:45 and the paper is halfway done (it was halfway done at 12:30 - I haven't done anything the last 15 minutes) and that's very good. Remember, this one is eight (8) pages long. Or it will be when it's done. Yesterday's paper has gotten a new lease on life: it turns out not to be due due until noon tomorrow. Whether that gives me enough time to double its length is doubtful, but I might squeeze in a few extra quotations. I have only slept about two out of the last forty eight hours. I'm actually feeling surprisingly good for so little rest. Not as witty as I might be, but as I always say, "can't be witty after every 48 hours of sleep deprivation." See what I mean. Well, I'd best get back to that ole paper. Maybe if I finish before four I can work on the other paper and get it up to ten pages before noon. Wish me luck!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Essay Terminus or One Down, One to Go

Yesterday's/last night's/this morning's twelve (12) page paper is finished, but at the last minute decided to be a seven (7) page paper. I'm not too worried. Unlike parachute ripchords and French emperors, a short essay never killed anyone. Though I wouldn't put it past my paper. It's already burgled some of my property. My watch - the one I never wear except for when I do - is now lost somewhere in the Bobst library. Thrown from my wrist in a frenzy of page-turning, no doubt. This is the same watch, by the way, that was leaking chemicals up and down my arm. It's a comfort to know that I continue to educate myself in the importance of not loosing shit. Like the children you see on leashes who must always wear their harness, I must always keep my watch on my wrist. I like to think that, at 21, the lesson is only repeated for rhetorical emphasis.

Well I've barely recovered from the no-sleep, no-timepiece extravaganza that was last night's paper, and I'm already gearing up for tonight's no-sleep, no-timepiece eight (8) page essay extravaganza, due tomorrow! I'm armored and ready for battle. I have my sword, my pen, my furry hat, my library card, and but for a wristwatch I am the image of scholarly preparedness. Bring it on, say I! And if this eight (8) page paper is paper enough to meet the length requirement, then I shall meet it in the ring of honor. Tonight. Slash tomorrow morning. Bobst Library. Fourth floor. Be there!


Am still at the library writing the aforementioned twelve (12) page paper. Sitting across from me while I was deep in composition was a girl reading a book. The book was entitled, "Travesti: Sex, Gender, and Culture among Brazilian Transgender Prostitutes."

The paper (my paper) is about Greek drama, by the way.

Lessions in Search Quality

I'm at the library right now writing a twelve (12) page paper which is something that I don't enjoy doing very much. Anyway, (some of) the computers in the library only have Internet Explorer in a quasi-kiosk mode with no address bar. The only way to navigate to, say, Google, is to open the IE search sidebar and search for "google". The IE search sidebar uses Windows Live Search.

So I get on to one of these computer and need to get to Google Book Search ( I type "book search" into the search sidebar and hit enter. Before I tell you what results Windows Live gave me for "book search," let me briefly tell you what Google gives you for the same query: - result #1, just what I want. Now here is what Windows Live gave me:

Result #1: "Best way to search for books on the net! ... All rights reserved. This page is copyright 1994 Triple Threat Sportscards." [Emphasis mine]

Result #2: "Search engine that finds the best buys from among 125 million new, used, rare, and out-of-print books for sale. Includes textbooks and international titles." [Emphasis mine]

Result #3: [The Wikipedia page about Google Book Search]

Result #4: [The official blog about Google Book Search]

Result #5: [A used book retailer... in the UK]

Result #6: [Apparently it thinks I could use another result from the same UK estore]

Result#7: [Finally it gives me the UK version of Google Book Search. To be clear, I'm not using the UK version of Live Search. It recommended the domain before the .com domain]

In the subsiquent results were and, but plain old didn't show up in the 35 pages I clicked through. I thought that was an interesting observation.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


Rain. In December. Rain in December.

Correction: It's sleeting now.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Legal Definition of Cheese

This, from the Wikipedia article on American Cheese (emphasis mine):

Today's American cheese is generally no longer made from a blend of all-natural cheeses, but instead is a processed cheese, i.e. it is manufactured from a set of ingredients (such as milk, whey, milkfat, milk protein concentrate, whey protein concentrate, salt) which meets the legal definition of cheese.

Further details emerge on my impending doom

Consciousness is knowing you're alive. Sentience is knowing you will die.

Over the past four years I've begun to think more frequently about my death which is, I imagine, part and parcel of growing up. But I realized today that I've only thought about my death in the abstract, "I'm 21 - I'm almost dead," kind of way. It wasn't until this afternoon that I spent some time wondering seriously about the end of my life. This is the stuff self-fulfilling prophesies are made of!

My paternal grandfather lost nearly all of his cognitive powers with age. I have been reminded on numerous occasions of the similarities between he and me. Aside from looking identical at age 7, we share many personal and mental traits, according to my father. I am told to have inherited both his great potential and his propensity to waste said potential. My maternal grandmother on the other hand is frighteningly lucid and shows no sign of slowing down. The family fears she will outlive us all. (My maternal grandfather died when my mother was young and my paternal grandmother died when I was young. My paternal grandfather is also dead.) I am nothing like my grandmother. It therefor seems likelier than not that I will lose my mind when I get old. If in my crazy old age I am only able to remember people and events from my youth, I wonder what time frame that will encompass. For all I know, my life right now will be all I can remember in sixty years. I'm trying to decide if that thought makes me self-conscious.

I usually think of "older me" as another person, but for some reason I don't think of the many "older mes" as a group of other people. What I mean is, I think of me at thirty as another person, and me at forty as another person still. I can, when I so choose, feel the gaze of a singular "future me," judging my current actions, but I cannot evoke the sensation of a group of "future mes" judging my behavior collectively. This, despite my birthday mind game.

Assuming I remand lucid, I do wonder how large a component of my identity age will become. I feel that much of my ego for the past 21 years has been predicated upon youth. I have defined myself in terms of being a "young person." As that bedrock slowly slips from under my personality, I find it's replacement (maturity) to be alarmingly absent. For this reason I think that Old Scott, if his wits are about him, will relish in the appropriation of age to support his identity. To "be old" will probably be my favorite part of being old.

Truth be told, I can't wait to be old. It's the "getting old" part I'm not so hot on. But the "being old" looks like a hoot. Any excuse to shit my pants...

Life is so much prelude to death.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Sun, Dec. Nine

  • Woke late (2:30).
  • Showered and Interneted.
  • Ate food (4:10).
    • While eating, ran into my friend Nate. Sat down with his crowd.
    • We were then joined by Evan (whom I haven't seen in ages) and other people.
    • Had the most amusing meal I've had since April.
  • Now it's back home and I need to study.

"Sunday" is redundant.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

D. Sam Bur

Happy first of December.

Touching yourself: Good, clean fun for everyone!

Finger Cheese

Fact: If you keep your fingers in the same place on a keyboard for upwards of six hours, those keys will acquire a layer of goo. The goo is probably dirt, sweat, and dead skin cells. I won't tell you how I've learned this, but if these keys mean anything to you, you already know: W, A, S, & D.

Monday, November 26, 2007

The Lesson of Science

We used to think that the Sun revolved around the Earth, and we used to think that Zeus aimed the thunderbolts, and we used to think that God made the Universe and Man. What is important is not that we were wrong, but that we were sure. We held these beliefs - and enumerable others, equally wrong - in full confidence and without appeal to evidence. The lesson of Science is not that the Earth circles the Sun, or that lightning is electricity, or that Man evolved from lesser forms. Those are facts of Science, but not the lesson. The lesson of Science is that understanding must be qualified by evidence. The lesson of Science is that statements of the form, "I believe...," require the conjunction, "because." The purpose of Science is not to inform everyone who previously thought plagues the wrath of the supernatural that, in fact, there are such things as micro-organisms beyond the limits of sight. The purpose of Science is not to replace one arbitrary, absolute belief with another, however more correct. The purpose of Science is to teach that understanding must be supported - must be qualified - with repeatable experimentation and falsifiable theory. Science will never decree that, now, at last, we have the final and ultimate explanation of _____. Science will always only discover more evidence and better theories.

What is important is not that we were wrong, because we are still wrong. What is important is that we thought we were right. Now, we know why we hold what beliefs with what confidence - with what evidence - and we continue to seek better knowledge. I think this is a misconception many people have about capital 'S' Science. People assume Science is an authority of the kind to which they are used: the immaculate, supernatural kind. Science is fundamentally difference from religious explanation in that it demands evidence, not belief. Many people, I think, still misunderstand this point and it is important that this be stressed as the lesson, and the wonder, of Science.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Today was a failure.

A complete, total, holistic, uncompromised, perfect failure. Nothing that needed to be done was done and everything needed not to be done was done. Anyone who suggests that we need failures in order to have successes is talking shit out of their ass and is probably a complete failure them self. We need failures in order to feel miserable about ourselves. If nobody ever failed we would all have self-respect, and imagine what kind of world that would be. Hell. It would be absolute hell and I would kill myself before I'd live in it for two minutes. If you're smiling right now, I want you to remember that I am not. Miserable, foolish, slovenly, contemptible failures like me don't smile. We just fail.

Friday, November 09, 2007


Several of my dreams in the past months have featured the common image of a colossal elevated freeway system rising hundreds of feet above the ground, with entrance ramps at 30 degree angles, spanning into the horizon like some incredible cross between spaghetti junction and the BQE. The road is featured as a major plot point in some dreams (grandma looses control of the car on a steep entrance ramp as she tries to commit suicide), and functions only as a set piece in others. I'm open to interpretations.

The only thing worse than a beautiful person is a group of beautiful people.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Riddle Me This (in 1200 words)

What's more fun that writing a midterm paper on no sleep? Doing it two days in a row, of course!

My "talent" for the last-minute paper - the only kind I write - is maturing in a disturbing way. My current modus operandi is to begin at 3 am, hand write the whole thing for three or four hours, then sleep for an hour or two. When I wake up I type it out, give one proof-read if I have the time, and email it to the professor by 11am (I don't print things). I did that last night (slash, this morning) and the night/morning before that. The quality of my writing is not so hot, but that is the price of being a level 70 procrastinator. I've been thinking about why I behave like this. The self-righteous answer is that I find personal destruction more interesting than essay-writing. The self-flagellating answer is that I'm a miserable lout who can't do anything right. The answer in the middle is that I'm a smart boy who hates school and just doesn't care anymore. It's all over soon...

Sunday, October 21, 2007

To Do or Not To Do

I don't have a newspaper column, but if I did it would be called "In The Knew" and in it I would provide advice to young people. Here is a fictitious entry in my fictitious newspaper column:

In The Knew
Observations for the young and the young at heart
By S.T. Peterson

"To Do or Not To Do"

Dear Friend,

Amid murder and antique language, it is easy for a modern audience (and a modern theater company) to forget about our tragic hero, the Prince of Denmark, that he is a young man. Hamlet is a young man with a young man's question, and like so many young people before and since, he has confused his linking verbs. "Being" is not the sort of thing over which one has agency. Try it sometime. I think you'll find that you already are. The real question our Little Prince invites us to ask is the title of today's column. As so many bumper stickers which have never been printed ought to advertise, "I'll kill myself if it's the last thing I do!"

Today's topic is how to do the things you need to do. I am something of an expert on the matter: I have had to do many things in twenty one years. Some of them important, other not so, some fun, some difficult, but I have approached them all with the same resolution and the same basic method. I generally abhor "3 Easy Steps to Suchandsuch" by Charlatan McFullofit, but I make an exception here for my own, "3 Easy Steps to Doing the Things You Need to Do," because I wrote it, and because it really works! What follows is the basic pattern I have followed whenever faced with something to do, and look at me. I've got a fucking newspaper column!

Step One: Don't do the thing you need to do. This may seem counter-intuitive, until you consider...

Step Two: Consumerism. Instead of doing what you need to do, go buy something. That will probably make you feel better about yourself. If that doesn't work, try...

Step Three: Masturbation.

So there you have it. The three perfect and only steps to doing the things you need to do: don't do it, buy something, and then masturbate. This is how I have faced ever task in my life, great and small, and it hasn't failed me yet. I can only speculate that things would have turned out better for old Hamlet if he'd know the secret. Make wise use of this knowledge yourself and bright things await.

Sincerely and faithfully yours,
S.T. Peterson

Saturday, October 20, 2007

The cost of existing

After many years' delay, I am finally reading The Fountainhead. I am also perfecting the vacant expression which is my coping mechanism for the unbearable contempt the book gives me for the world and by "the world" I mean myself.

Life is the cost of existing.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Body Politik

I've long been passionate about politics, but I've never actually put my money where my mouth is, until now. Yesterday, for the first time, I donated money to a political campaign: $50 to Ron Paul. Just thought I'd let you know.

I have no patience for fools, myself included.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

A Million Little Pieces

Two days ago the temperature on my CPU read 170 F. That's waaaaay too hot. I've disassembled my whole machine and cleaned everything out. Now all of the delicate bits are strewn naked on the floor, waiting for the thermal gel and passive heatsink I ordered to arrive. This means I have to use University computers in the meantime. This means no porn. This makes me sad.

Introspection in Review

Conservatory drama programs (such as the one at Julliard) are 8 hours of pure theatrical training, 5 days a week. The NYU drama department splits the difference between conservatory and general education by farming kids out to conservatory studios (which are independent institutions) around the city for three days out of the week, and requiring academic credits to be achieved in the remaining two days. There are seven primary studios. I'm in the best one, naturally.

Of the academic requirements, "Theater Studies" classes have proven most painful for me. Primarily because I have a habit of failing them, but also because of the kinds of discussions they tend to encourage. If you sit in on a standard TS theory class (or at least any of the ones in which I have enrolled), you hear kids make frequent use of words like "every" and "all" and "never" and "no" and almost every discussion ends in a justification for someone's self-righteous definition of "art." Or something. I'm generalizing. Really there was just one class that was actually like that, but ever since then I've become very sensitive to wishy-washy and self-righteous arguments that I tend to see them everywhere.

Last week I had a conversation with my current Theater Studies professor and we discussed, among other things, some of my apprehensions about that kind of thing. Well, my teacher (who is one of my favorite ever) had some extremely reassuring words and expressed an opinion which I find all too rare in the theater world: my own! It was such an energizing and interesting talk that I thought for a brief time that I was, in fact, in love with my teacher. I realized then that it is not my teacher whom I love, but someone else. And that helped me make a decision.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Day of the Sun

Not much sun out to enjoy its day, but it's bright enough to make me sneeze. Why is 3 my maximum number of sneezes? I don't know if I've ever sneezed more than thrice consecutively. Lot's of musicians in the park. A jazz band, a honky-tonk swing duet, some acoustic guitars. Those are just the ones I saw. What if you sneezed while playing a clarinet? I played the clarinet in fifth and sixth grade but I never sneezed while playing. If I had I don't think anyone would have noticed. I wasn't very good. I remember my favorite song to play in 6th grade band was Jupiter from The Planets by Holst. It manage to be simultaneously extremely beautiful and extremely easy to play. Perfect for sixth graders. Well, that's about all. Happy day, Sun.

NYU uses iMacs at all of its computer kiosks. Why they don't replace Safari with Firefox is beyond me. Half of Web 2.0 doesn't work in Safari. NYU, fix this!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Today I helps an old woman cross the street and then I sat in the park in the sun and read The Old Man and The Sea.

I've been playing a lot of Team Fortress 2. What do you expect?

A while ago I re-discovered a great video of Christopher Hitchens. I highly recommend you watch it. Following that, I spent about two days consuming all the Hichens YouTube has to offer. I had meant to post about it at the time but I forgot.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Why CD Sales Are Sagging Like My Grandma's Tits

The last CD I "bought" bought was Hot Fuss by The Killers back whenever that came out. Right now I'm working on code that retrieves metadata for CDs (as when you pop in a CD and iTunes knows the album, artist, and track names automatically) and I need a CD with which to test. I don't actually have any CDs with me at school. Who would? Anyway, I go to Virgin to get one. I got the Spring Awakening soundtrack. Do you know how much it cost? $20.58. Do you know how much it costs on iTunes? $9.99. And that is why...

CD Sales Are Sagging Like My Grandma's Tits!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Guess What

Love is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Monday, September 17, 2007


I had some nasty shits today and I don't mind telling ya, my chilihole is on faiya!

Mundane with a silent 'n'

  • Yesterday was the first day that tasted like fall.

  • I'm in a new building this semester which means I have a new running path. It is my favorite so far. The scenery is all very nice and the sidewalks are much wider.

  • Classes are going fine.

  • I'm doing a new comp-sci project which is loads of fun - writting a fully managed MusicBrainz client library. It's related to and will be used in my SoC project.

They're putting up a Toys 'R Us where Tower Records used to be. Gag me with a cock.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Frai Dei

  • Getting to bed as late (aka early) as I did last night, I woke very late today.
  • Wasn't up to much.
  • Coding,
  • eating,
  • reading,
  • watching,
  • other ing-ending words.
I just bought, and am loving, Ta-Dah by Scissor Sisters. I can't imagine many excuses for your not having this album.

Day of the Thurs

What are Thurs, and why have they got their own day? I want a Thur. Get me one for my birthday, OK? Get my two, and then my birthday can be a Thursday.

  • I was sadsad because I didn't think I was getting breakfast,
  • But then I was haphappy because I did get breakfast.
  • There was stuff and things and um...
  • Right, then I had a hamburger with Claire and we talked about drug legalization and our careers.
  • My 5pm nap got a little out of hand.
  • I barely got the gym in time.
  • I had dinner.
  • Now it's 3 am and I'm not tired because of the monster nap. Good thing no class on Friday.
We hold these penises to be self-evident.

Thursday, September 06, 2007


A few months back, a good chunk of my laundry was stolen. I am no stranger to re-wearing cloths, but if I'm to start this school year off on the right foot, I suppose I had better have at least a modest selection of wardrobe. Or so I told myself when I ordered $70 worth of T-Shirts from Hey, they were having a back-to-school special. Anyhoo, the UPS package came today and I am overjoyed. Here, you can judge my taste in T-Shirts:

And here are some closeups with the titles:

A lot of unicorns. I don't know why that is.

UPDATE: These shirts are too small. Damnit!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


The human intellect has lately been on my mind (pardon the recursion) and I'd like to share my thoughts.

Most of us isn't anything to write home about. We can see, but just a little bit of the spectrum. We can kind of hear, though not nearly as well as a lot of other mammals. And I believe we have a sense of smell, but, as I understand it, only on a technicality. Thinking is where it's at for us. Now don't get me wrong: I think we think great. Clearly it's gotten us places and I'm certainly not knocking human intellect. But it does seem to me we're too proud by half of our minds.

Intelligence was seen for many eons as our divine ingredient. While most educated people today don't believe that the all-powerful and perfect Creator Of the Universe has an appendix or a pair of thumbs, many still fancy that His mind was the image after which ours were created. Recently, Deism, mumbo jumbo, and certain interpretations of Spinoza have supposed an "Intelligence" to the "Universe" which, we are meant to believe, is of a like kind to our own (though infinitely greater in size and power). More recently still, science fiction writes of man-like intelligences belonging to gods, universes, and the beasts of alien worlds. It is generally our way in religion, mumbo jumbo, and fiction to paint "intelligence" as a Platonic Form apart from the rest of human anatomy. It is the perfect and only means of Really Getting Shit Done and it's available to worthy Gods, aliens, machines and men.

I've been thinking that's rather not the case at all. I've been thinking our intelligence is rather just as novel and particular as anything else about us. Thumbs, for example. Thumbs suit us fine, but they are by no means the pinnacle of grasping engineering. We have prehensile thumbs because, aside from other reasons, we started to walk on our feet and this allowed the lateral digit to drift proximally. The thumb is both novel in that it is not a priori an obvious thing to have, and it is particular in that it is entirely a function of our evolution. "Thumbs" are no great or ideal means of pinching. We would not expect to find them on an extraterrestrial or a universal creator, or indeed The Universe itself.

I submit that the mammalian intellect is both novel and particular in the same ways as the thumb. There is nothing obvious about the way our intellects are, and they are not the best design for the problem. To be clear, I am not referring only to the details of our minds, such as our capacities of memory or the way in which we process vision or the methods by which people go about reasoning. I mean all of our most fundamental functions - consciousness, memory, self-awareness, cognition, imagination, all of it - are just as novel and particular as the rest of us. Should we meet things from other worlds, we would be as likely to discover anything we would call an "intelligence" as we would be to discover anything remotely like a "thumb," or "appendix," or "prefrontal neocortex." This is not to say that these other beings would not be very complex and possibly capable of feats far in advance of our own. Space travel, time travel, anything you care to speculate. All achieved with systems wholly unlike the mammalian intellect.

I am personally of the opinion that we will meet many such strange systems, and sooner rather than later. Not in the stars of course. We will create them ourselves in silicon. Or our silicon children will create them for us. We might never know what "thought" is like for those machines, if they even experience any such sensation. But they will surpass all human benchmarks of acumen. They will be smarter than all of us put together. If it's fare to call them "smart," then they will be the smartest things ever. I am quite sure.

You know, you should really read Jeff Hawkins' book, On Intelligence.

Monday, September 03, 2007

If music be the food of love, then I ought to be fat

As you may know, I've been working this summer to bring a Linux music application to Windows. Things are almost done and you, dear reader, will have the express pleasure of trying it yourself very soon. Consider it a Karmatic reward for your suffering under Windows.

Things going so well as they are, I'm powerful excited and thinking a treat is in order. I've awarded myself a little music from iTunes:

Classics by Ratatat. For those who are into esoteric techno/instrumental. Check out Lex.

La Donna by the East Village Opera Company. A blend of opera, rock, metal, funk, techno, salsa, and awesomeness. Straight up my ally. I have long enjoyed their self-titled album and I highly recommend you get the first track from that (Overture Redux). From La Donna, I recommend La Danza for starters, especially if you sang Italian arias in high school ;)

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Epiphany II

Predecessor = Predeceaser

Dinner Encounters

Unfortunately I have no penchant for cooking. My culinary gifts include heating to 345 degrees, inserting the pizza, and not much else. Left to my own devices, I would surely die of the scurvy in under a week. As such, I am outfitted this semester with a dining hall meal plan. Despite my advanced age, I sit my ass down in the cafeteria next to the Freshman and I enjoy the finest cuisines a minimum wage university staff can muster.

Freshman are very alacritous. I remember my first days in the campus dining facilities: I'd sit down and eat with anybody. It's easy to strike up a conversation when you don't know anybody (and when nobody knows you). The first month of school is like some bizarre twilight zone where it's socially acceptable to just start talking to any old person. It doesn't matter if they're ugly or boring or a Strasburg Method actor; they're your new friend. Then by the second or third month you've made real friends and acquaintances and there's no longer a need to bother with regular people.

So anyway, the other day I'm eating dinner alone at Paladium when this person walk right up and asks if he can join me. It took me just a minute to figure out what was going on. Did I know him? God I'm bad with faces. Um, no I don't think I know him, he's just this... person. This... and then it dawns on me. This... Freshman. And this is the first week, yes, and he's new to the city, right, and he's just looking to get to know me. OK, I say, pull up a chair. I then proceeded to have dinner with four Freshman. They were all very nice and, with the exception of the one from the city, very insecure. When I realized I was eating and talking with people who are my sister's age, it made me feel terribly old.

When the youngin first sat down, he asked if I was a first year too. I told him no, and he immediately came back with I knew it. He asked what year I was and I said Senior. Right, he said, that's just what he thought. I guess that means I'm giving off a craggly old man fucking aura. They were nice pups. So is my sister. She's going to do great at this.

And a happy first of September to you mister Wilkes Booth.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Thu, 30 Aug

An odd green/brown discoloration has recently appeared on the veiny side of my left wrist. At first I thought it was a bruise. Had I lain on it overnight? Was I torturing myself in my sleep? Gangrene perhaps? It didn't hurt and it wasn't odorous - whatever could it be? Today I solved the mystery: the metal of my cheapo watch is doing the chemically thing cheap metal does, resulting in a green stain which makes its way onto my skin. My parents got me the watch for my 21st birthday. I think they paid three bucks. For now, at least, I am Wriststrong!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

The Fucks

Today is regular move-in day at my dorm. My dorm this year is the most expensive NYU housing option. All of the cars outside are Lincolns and Lexuses. The rich fucks.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Books, Games, and Chinese

Back in New York.

I flew into Seattle last friday (it's thursday now) and got to visit Valve Software. Oh my, how it was awesome! I took a taxi from the airport and got to Bellevue around noon. After a little of being lost in the Bank of America building, I finally arrived at the Valve offices (they're on the 10th floor - they are the 10th floor). The office is balls sweet. Their next offering, The Orange Box, is in the very final stages of development and needed to be done-done in a matter of days, so everybody was very busy. The extremely generous Greg Coomer took time to show me all over the place and introduce me to the folk. ChrisB and the Shermanator were away, but I did meet the Valentes - Doug and Jen - and they were really great. After Greg toured me through the 9th, 10th, and 11th floors (they're expanding) I went to grab some lunch. Full of pizza, I returned around 2 to meet the man himself: Gabe Newell.

Gabe really is the nicest guy. He took me around to meet some other folks and I got to play Team Fortress 2 on the Xbox 360. That seemed to be what everyone was playing. There are 360s in every office. And huge flatscreen monitors. And mysteries of The Future. I suck with a gamepad so I did very poorly, but I am maximum-psyched for this game. I can has TF2?

Gabe then showed me two new character videos: Meet the Solder, which was just released, and the next one. It's hilarious.

Then I was sat down to play Portal at a proper PC. I love Portal. Portal is some of the best writing of any game I've played. It's is wicked funny. I didn't play all the way through and I didn't play any HL2: Episode 2 because I wanted to save the pleasure for the done thing, but now that I look back on it, that machine was a lot nicer than my hunker and I probably should have played all I could on the uber-nice hardware.

After saying goodbye and thanking everyone again, I meet up with the Hangs and spent the rest of the evening and the following day with Lizzy and her fam. There was a lot of Chinese I didn't understand (all of it), but we got to go to the Space Needle and the Experience Music Project and Pike Place. And the Chinese food was really great.

Then it was back to MN for a few days. I finished my book (Spook Country) which I didn't particularly care for but which was partially about an idea Sam and I had years ago called the Outernet. Anyhoo, I also watched some Battlestar and visited Cora and Brittany.

My mom and my sister and my sister's friend and I all flew back to NY on Monday. We youngins saw Spring Awakening and mom saw Phantom. They left yesterday and now I'm all alone in my new place. My roommate hasn't arrived and I haven't unpacked. I'm reading a new book on Sam's advice and am loving it oh so much. More later. Next week I'll try to make it to Boston. More later.

Stay soft, pink, and healthy.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Just Realized

I have all new underwear and it's white. I just realized what that means: poop stains.

Friday, August 17, 2007

A Real Post

It's been a while since I've done a proper "what I'm up to" post. Here's the quick and dirty.

  • Summer school ended. It was a mixed bag, but I survived.
  • I'm wrapping up my Google Summer of Code project. That's also been kind of a mixed bag experience, but, again, I survived (and got paid).
  • I popped by MN for a week to smooze the losers at home. It was fun fun.
  • I came back to NY for three days (am there right now) to move to my new apartment. It's very huge and in a great part of town - the seaport.
  • I moved. It was no fun fun. Haven't unpacked yet.
  • I'm reading the latest Will Gibson book. I'll tell you all about it (there's stuff to tell) later.
  • I woke up today (Thursday) at something like 4:30 pm and had Chipotle. Then I rode the Staten Island Ferry there and back (just because) and read some.
  • I'm leaving on a plane in, like, three hours back to MN and then straight to Seattle. I'll tell you all about that later too.
  • Then I should be back in MN for two or so days, then back to NY to see some shows and play fucking Bioshock. I'm seriously so stocked.
More as it comes in.

P.S. My new favorite song is "Before I Drive Away" from the album Songs for Ice Cream Trucks (iTunes link - DRM: ug)

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Why I Just Shat Myself

Bioshock is coming to Steam.

I'll have more posts later. And not just gaming stuff.

Monday, August 06, 2007

This Just In

I am Holden Caulfield.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Holy Fuck!


Of course I bought the Super Pack. Did I even have a choice? I blame the id.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Jihad The Musical

I didn't think there was anyway I was going to like "I Wanna Be Like Osama" from Jihad The Musical. Well, it's no "Springtime for Hitler," but it's actually pretty funny. Judge for yourself. Jihad The Musical will be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Guess who didn't go to Iraq

Thursday, July 26, 2007


To repeat an experiment, here's the journey I just took through Wikipedia (God bless Google's Web History):

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Good Kind of Shit

Went to the gym for the first time in about 2 months. I feel like shit. The good kind of shit.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

I woke up rested and refreshed at 8am for the first time in about 20 years. For too long the early morning angles of the sun have meant the hideous hideous end of long night's journey into day. Just going outside before noon gives me a headache and the terrible feeling that I've stayed up all night. I got some breakfast and felt much better.

I've been Out for the past few days. "Out" means I don't turn on my computer or my phone. It's really delightful. I listened to public radio, made myself pasta, and read a book. The book, which you must read if you haven't already, is Neuromancer by William Gibson. Just tell me when your birthday is and I'll get it for you.

Prior to going Out, I followed my own advice and watched all 21.3 gigabytes of Lexx. It's not something I recommend. Watching 21.3 gigabytes of anything, I mean, but Lexx especially. It took a little more than a weekend. It hurt so good.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Letter to a Senator

My letter to MN Senator Norm Coleman:

Dear Senator Coleman,
The last time I wrote a Senator was in the third grade. We brought our cursive skills to bear on such major inquiries as, "Is being a Senator fun?" and, "Do you have any pets?" As I enter my senior year in college, I'm afraid I couldn't write you a letter in cursive even if I had the envelope to mail it. My inquiry, however, is no less critical.

I just read the President's executive order of 17 July, entitled, "Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq" (available online at Senator, this thing scares me to death. I could site the nebulous criteria by which all of a person's property may be seized, such as, "threatening the peace or stability of Iraq or the Government of Iraq," or, "undermining efforts to promote economic reconstruction and political reform in Iraq." I could point to the arbitrary process by which such seizures are adjudicated: "any person determined by the Secretary of the Treasury, in consultation with the Secretary of State and the Secretary of Defense [...]". I could note that the Secretaries of State and Defense need only be engaged in "consultation" and not in "agreement." I could decry the lack of any compensation or recourse for the seizure of some or all personal property. I could call foul over this Administration's many assertions that voicers of objection to this war, including some of your co-workers, are "aiding and abetting the enemy" and could then be "determined", by extension, to be "threatening the peace or stability of Iraq or the Government of Iraq."

Thankfully none of that is necessary. I'm spared the many citations that the above arguments would require. Good thing too, because I hate doing bibliographies. No, the only reference I need is cited easily enough. A simple parenthetical citation, the kind I've been doing since the third grade, is all I require: "[No person shall] be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation." (US Const., amend. V).

Norm, this Executive Order is as unconstitutional as they come. You're my elected official. You're my voice and hands in federal government. Say something. Do something. For the love of private property, please make this the fastest Executive Order to crash and burn in history of Executive Orders which quickly crashed and burned. Please, Senator. I love my country, I love my constitution, and I love my stuff. Don't let Bush take them all.

Warmest Regards,
Scott Peterson
Apple Valley, MN by way of New York, NY

Monday, July 16, 2007

The Other Love of My Life

Overheard. If you don't read Overheard in NY, then you missed this little gem:

Four-year-old boy: Mommy, why don't nobody look at each other on the train?
Mother: 'Cause they ugly.

--G train
I actually Laughed Out Loud when I read that. If you're at my website right now, look over to the right, under "My Feeds," the one called "Blog Posts I Like" is a feed of my shared items from Google Reader (here's the feed URL if you're getting this through a reader). I usually only share Overheard posts. If you're not up for the full Overheard feed, you can subscribe to that and get the cream of the crop. "Scott's Select." If you don't know how to subscribe to a feed, go to and figure it out. You'll be glad you did. As a reminder, when subscribing to my blog, use the "My Blog" feed in the list to the right. It's just better.

Notice of Love

I would like it known that I love Dianne Keaton. She is wonderful and funny and awesome and great and for these reasons and many others, I love her.

I also recently came into possession of one pair of "Free Rollerblades." This is a totally cool development. I think I might Rollerblade around my fucking pool. What a life. Now I just need Dianne Keaton to join in the fun.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Words of Wisdom

Naturally, the common people don't want war, but after all, it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag people along whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country.
Today's Words of Wisdom come to us from Hermann Göring, the third heighest ranking officer in Nazi Germany at the end of World War II, during his trial in Nuremberg. Hermann killed himself with potassium cyanide the night before he was due to hang. Thanks for the Wisdom, Herm!

How to Rot Your Brain

I need to take my mind off of coding for a while so I'm gonna talk to you about TV. And by "talk to you about TV," I mean, "tell you what TV to watch." And by "what TV to watch," I mean, "what torrents to download." If you don't know what "torrents" are, see my last post, or consult the Intertubes.

Before I became hideous with age, I used to watch TV. From 1997 to 2002, I watched the Sci Fi Channel almost exclusively (my interest in Sci Fi dates back to a happenstance in my very early youth, but that's another story for another post). Now for a little cable network history.

In 1998 the Sci Fi Channel fell under the ownership of Barry Diller (early head honcho at the Fox network; he now owns Ask, the Internet search engine nobody uses). With new management and a new budget, the network was relaunched in March of '99. The relaunch constituted a significant shift in programing towards original productions (the channel had hitherto produced very little original serial fiction; Mission Genesis (a.k.a Deepwater Black) and Welcome to Paradox were two early - and short-lived - shows). The relaunch was also marked by a complete brand overhaul. The volume of Sci Fi programing to which I was tuning in at that time, coupled with my impressionable age, has left me with an incredibly strong emotional attachment to the Sci Fi 1999-2002 brand. It is still the strongest of any brand for me. I imagine it will be for the rest of my life. It was also a really creative and well-executed brand (the rebrand was handled by a guy who went on to co-found Psyop, the design house that did the Happiness Factory Coke commercial).

But back to the shows. The channel went on to produce/run a number of fantastic shows (and some not-so-fantastic ones). Here, in brief, are the best of the Aught's, the acquisitions of which will give you something to do with the high-speed Internet connection that you're not otherwise abusing to its full potential:

  • Farscape. Classic. Only bother with the first 3 seasons. Oh god, this show is key.
  • Lexx. Very weird. Emphasis on the "very" and on the "weird." Funny, sexy, creative, and worth a watch. You can skip the 3rd season if you want (counting the four 2-hour movies as season 1). There's a torrent out there with 21 gigs of all the Lexx goodness to be had.
  • Firefly. If you haven't yet fallen prey to Firefly's awesomeness, I recommend you offer yourself now. There are only 13 episodes, plus the movie Serenity (which is just OK).
  • Battlestar Galactica. Stop giving me that look. Yes, you have to watch Battlestar. I'm sorry, I'll admit no excuses. Then you can tell all your friends how entirely they need to watch Battlestar Galactica. Won't it be wonderful? Emphasis on the "yes, it will be wonderful."
Come back when you've watched all of those and we can move on to Great Comedies That Only Lasted Three Seasons. I won't give too much away but to say that one of them rhythms with Shmarrested Shmevelopment. See you then!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Let's all go to the moives (or let's all have the movies come to us)

Movies in New York City are $11. Unless you live in London, that's a lot. I've recently made a habit of watching a movie almost every night before I go to bed. Since I only have four DVDs on my bookshelf, that means I need to get new flicks unless I'm really up for another helping of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I could do Netflix, but it takes way too long and costs way too much money (more than zero). In order to get movies at the speed and price necessary to satiate my appetite, I download films via bittorrent. I start a download in the morning and it's usually ready by the evening; just in time for a nighttime showing. I've watched so many torrented movies this summer, it's hard to keep track (I delete the files as soon as I watch them to make room for more), but here's a partial list of movies I've downloaded recently along with a short thought on the experience:

  • The Boys From Brazil - I was pleasantly surprised to see Uta Hagan in this.
  • Soilent Green - It's people!
  • Planet Earth (miniseries, the BBC version) - David Attenborough is so much better than Sigourney Weaver. So much!
  • Ed Wood - John Depp's my man.
  • Jesus Camp - Scaaaaaary.
  • Manhattan - My favorite Woodey Allen film
  • Robin Williams: Live at the Met - This is from the late 80's, I think. He's so coked up.
  • Being John Malkovich - I've been an Charlie Kaufman fan since Adaptation. This film reaffirmed my appreciation of his talents. It's an incredible work.
  • The Last King of Scotland - I took a look at this right after seeing Frost vs. Nixon. Both are by the same writer. He also wrote The Queen.
  • The Queen - And I'm not a huge fan of his writing.
  • Babel - Pleasantly surprised.
  • Venus - I loved this film.
  • Little Children - I really loved this film.
  • SiCKO - In the words of Alex Lindsey, "His films are great, as long as you know that everything he says is lies." Actually, I hear this one is pretty accurate. It's a great movie either way.
  • Game Over: Kasparov and The Machine - Way boringer than I was hoping.
  • Spiderman 3 - Terrible. Simply terrible.
  • Shortbus - As I blogged, most uplifting movie I've seen in a very long time. Great soundtrack.
  • Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Finally saw this. Great music, great show.
  • Annie Hall - I love Diane Keaton. God, I love Diane Keaton.
Here are the films I've finished downloading and have yet to watch (I'm doing a Woody Allen study):
  • Apocalypse Now
  • Bananas
  • Full Metal Jacket
  • Love and Death
  • Manhattan Murder Mystery
  • Pirates 3
  • Play It Again Sam
  • Sleeper
Despite the obscene ticket prices, there are some summer movies I just can't resist seeing in the theater. Here are some movies for which I've recently sloughed over eleven bucks to enjoy in NYC:
  • Factory Girl - Movie: Meh. Guy Pearce: Oh my dear lord! He was positively incredible. I didn't know it was him until the credits.
  • Notes on a Scandal - Bill Nighy is my Lord and Savior.
  • 300 - SPARTA!
  • Grindhouse - As I blogged, the best cinematic experience I've ever had. Still true.
  • Eagle vs. Shark - Meh.
  • Black Sheep - New Zealand zombie sheep. What more could you possibly want? This movie and I also have a history.
  • Ratatouille - My third favorite Pixar film after Toy Story and Monster's Inc. The short, Lifted, is my favorite Pixar short.
  • Transformers - Lots of transforming. I'd loved it. On a side note, I saw the most frightening trailer I've ever seen for a movie set in New York, filmed on DV, with no title. It comes out in January.
And to top it all off, I watched The Shining on DVD last night at Bailey's.

Happy Fourth!

Monday, July 02, 2007

The most uplifting movie I've seen in a long time

Shortbus. See this film.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

A Nice Saturday

Had brunch with Nick N. and Claire. Pilgrimaged to The Cube to check out the iPhones. Putzed around with one for about ten minutes. They really are that cool. Then we went to The Park. Really nice day. I might go out to dinner with Nick and his MN friend tonight.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Fun and Games

As I mentioned in the last post, I am painfully confined to Windows for the duration of my internship. The only upside is that I can play games again! Sam and I built my computer with gaming in mind, but my then-state-of-the-art graphics card (GeForce 6800 Ultra) is now three years old and showing its age. I gave the Quake Wars beta a go and it was a slideshow. I can still handle more moderately modern titles (anything on Source) with ease, but recently I'm playing a real technical relic: Natural Selection. Modding the 9-year-old HL1, NS is just a really fun game. The atmosphere and art are uniquely compelling. I'm on pins and needles for NS2. I'm also playing a lot of Geometry Wars. It's a great distraction while waiting for compilations (though I'm probably not speeding things along by playing) and it's ridiculously addictive. Best $2 I ever spent.

Around the time I picked up Full Pipe, someone drew my attention to another esoteric game out of Russia called Pathologic. I read a review which panned Pathologic for bad translation, frustrating gameplay and lackluster graphics, but praised the unique narrative paradigm which included near-Brechtian mechanisms of self-reference. I've actually given thought to the use of Brechtian techniques in games, so I was thoroughly intrigued. I acquired the game and have only just gotten around to installing it. I've played for a few hours and I'm still very much uncertain. The game may be deliberately calling attention to its "gameness," or it could just be really bad. It's hard to know just yet. I'll give it some more time.

Another unusual game has caught my eye and I'm debating its purchase. Vigil is a pseudo-adventure French game with a striking visual identity. The demo is ludicrously terse and the only review I've found claims the gameplay is severely lacking (which I doubt not), but it just looks so damn cool. I also like to support independent developers. It's supposed to be the first game in a series so I'd love to see the franchise improve, and it's only $8 for the next week. Maybe I'll get it.

I also need to finish/replay Oblivion. God that game is good. Anyhoo, happy iDay and happy GPL3 day!

Of course, no sooner did I publish this post than I bought Vigil. I'll let you know just how bad it is.

I Am, Therfor I Think

Just finished the book On Intelligence by Jeff Hawkins. Fascinating read. I highly recommend it to everybody.

I have to use Windows for my internship. It reminds me just how much I love Ubuntu.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

i did it again

Saw Black Sheep last night, then had an awetacular pool party, broken glass and all! Then, this morning:

Ten minutes later...

This is my 300th blog post!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Daddy and Daddy are fighting again!

I had another weird dream about Jim Lehrer. I dreamt that he was yelling invectively into the camera about Steve Jobs. It was something to do with the iPhone and he was really pissed off. Jim didn't seem to notice that Steve Jobs was sitting right in front of him. Then Steve and I became friends and I showed him my cool watch that I designed myself.

I'm totally not getting an iPhone, by the way.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Shark Wins!

Saw Eagle vs. Shark. It was alright. Nick Neglia is back in town. That's exciting. More exciting still, Black Sheep is playing at the Sunshine. Totally seeing that sometime.

Saturday, June 23, 2007


Done with first semester summer school. Aced my Logic final and finished my theatre studies papers. Two of them were a titch late: let's hope my teacher likes me. I started writing my six page final at 4 in the morning of the day it was due. Usual Scott style. I did a similar thing last night with the two outstanding assignments. I woke up at 6pm today. Ah, college.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Microsoft: Open Source Software's New Best Friend

Pardon me while I geek out. I wrote this post a while ago but its still relevant.

Microsoft has long been the enemy of Free and Open Source Software. Some people at Redmond are beginning to change that, but prevailing forces continue to hamper progress. Luckily, Bill's boys are fostering FOSS anew, and they don't even know it! As Microsoft enters its second decade of desktop dominance, also-ran software vendors are trying a new strategy to gain market share: open sourcing.

It began with Netscape. Bleeding market share thanks to MS's (not so legal) IE bundling practices, Netscape decided to open source the browser. That project became Mozilla and that became Firefox - the thing you're using right now (right?!). A right Cinderella story of open source. They proved that open sourcing works as a competitive strategy and boy are they cashing in.

More recently, Sun open sourced Java. To the keen observer, the reason is obvious: MS is pushing .NET full tilt. (Full disclosure: I work on the Mono project which is an open source implementation of .NET. I also happen to think that .NET kicks Java's ass).

More recently still, Adobe announced plans to open source Flex. As pressure mounts from Silverlight and the <canvas> tag, I think Adobe would be wise to GPL the whole Flash stack. They've already released their Tamarin ECMAScript VM.

In conclusion, Microsoft is now driving other companies to seek market share by any means necessary. Increasing this means open sourcing, and that's good news for us in the open source community!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Stand Down

So I did my stand up set at a comedy club last night. It went very well despite the fact that I was running on very little sleep. It's a lot like speech. I'll post a video when I get it. Maybe.

In other news, Geometry Wars is on Steam. Thus ends whatever productivity I might otherwise have had.

Saturday, June 16, 2007


If you have 20 minutes, watch this video. Summary:

To date, there hasn't been an overarching theory of how the human brain really works, Jeff Hawkins argues in this compelling talk. That's because we still haven't defined intelligence accurately. But one thing's for sure, he says: The brain isn't like a powerful computer processor. It's more like a memory system that records everything we experience and helps us predict, intelligently, what will happen next. Bringing this new brain science to computer devices will enable powerful new applications -- and it will happen sooner than you think.

Too Bad You Weren't There

As you may have read, I have a Mystery Porch just adjacent my apartment. Two weeks ago, my neighbor Lane and I were hanging out out there and I remarked, "You know what this place could use? A pool. A fucking pool." Two weeks later:

The faucet wasn't fast enough so I had to help things along:

It filled up just in time for our 9:00 party. Pizza, beer, friends and wonderful, wonderful pool. It was really warm too. I didn't take any shots of the party but someone else did. I'll post 'em if I get 'em. I had a fucking pool party in my New York apartment. This is the third awesomest thing I've ever done. Wish you coulda been there.

Cora turned my on to this. It's funny.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Back Again

I spent the weekend in MN for my sister's graduation. It's was nice, her party was big and I got to see some friends.

'Grapefruit' is both redundant and misleading.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Cerf's Up!

Just got back from a talk by Vint Cerf at Google NY. He's an incredibly articulate, intelligent and nice man. His work on an interplanetary networking protocol is fascinating.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

So Old

It's one thing to be 21, but it's another thing entirely for someone to call you 21. I am old.

Our feet hold the weight of the world.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

That's the Suprise!

Watch this:

Monday, June 04, 2007

Strong Feelings

My mom always used to tell me not to drag my feet. I didn't listen to her at the time but I don't do it anymore and I find people who do to be very annoying. I don't have an opinion on heals, except to say this: if you do wear them, know how to walk in them. A women who drags her heals is best shot. Not to sound misogynistic, the same goes for men in heals. This is the only strong position I have on footwear.

Sunday, June 03, 2007


An apple - one Granny Smith apple - at the corner deli costs a full US dollar. $1.00. One dollar and zero cents.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Latest Thing

Is your toddler doing more coke than a Viennese call girl? Not yet anyway. Hedge your bets: Prehab.

Today's rough and tumble world is a lot for a young one to handle. In our society of excess, temptation lurks around every corner. You owe it to them - you owe it to yourself - to intervene while there's still time: Prehab.

All the biggest celebrity tots, like Apple and the Bradjelina baby, are getting the help they're sure to need in Prehab.

Call today: 1-800-463-2184

A New Beginning, Right From the Start

Monday, May 28, 2007

Das Uber Goobers

To be a "geek" (as we use the term today) requires a sufficient exposure to science and technology. One cannot be a fully-realized geek on the indentured farm of one's vassal lord during the Middle Ages, or in pre-Mycenaean Greece. The collection of personality traits that define "geekiness" is not new, but the more perfect avenues of expression for those traits (science, technology, chess, and Cheetos) are. I wonder then what as-yet undiscovered invention or development will unlock a more perfect form of expression for what other personality trait or traits common to Humanity. Perhaps autism is merely a trait in need of some future science; some future technology. Telepathy, perhaps.

I had a dream that I went to New Zealand to get my hair cut, but I was on the phone with some technical support woman who just couldn't fix my problem. I don't know what the problem was.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


I'm writing material for this class-sponsored stand up gig. I've already created a whole act, trashed it, and made a whole new one, and the show is still four weeks away. One place I've looked for inspiration is my blog. I've posted countless stupid little remarks: one of them is bound to be comic gold. Looking over some of my old posts, I realized that I recycle a lot of material in my life. When I talk to new people or comment in class, I often bring up ideas I've had before and, increasingly, ideas that I have blogged. I imagine my future friends are in for a letdown when they finally read my blog and see that all of my spiels they thought were clever extemp are in fact the same rehearsed wit I give everybody.

Monday, May 21, 2007


One week into the summer semester and all is well. Classes are going swimmingly, I'm having fun and getting stuff done, and I just had a whole box of cereal. It was good. I'm still hungry.

If Ron Paul is nominated as the Republican candidate, I will vote for him.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Later that day...

Had first "What's so funny about New York" class. I must do 3-5 minutes of stand-up at a comedy club. I don't like writing stand-up; I'm no good at it. When I have more material I may post it for critiques.

Went to the gym for the first time in about three weeks. I'm weak.

If I were lactose intolerant, I'd kill myself with a garden hoe.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Fucking Sweet

NYU has the second highest suicide rate of any university in this country. We are famous for the "Bobst Diving Team" (Bobst is our 12-story library). As a consequence, every window in every NYU building only opens three inches. I just moved into a new room in my dorm and was excited and disappointed to see an unfinished room/balcony/medium-sized nook directly outside my window. Excited because it would be a bitchin' grill patio and exterior lounge, disappointed because it is completely inaccessible. Worse still, I've got a door leading directly to this drywall wonderland. Needless to say, the door is locked, bolted, and jammed.

Imagine my delight when I learned that the room next to mine has unfettered access to this cozy construction zone: their window opens all the way! I would have to pass through their room whenever I wanted access, but the possibilities for late-night cookouts are still delightful.

Well then we decided, myself and my neighbor, that a door is much bitchin'er than a window, so we got out my toolkit and dismantled the lock, the bolt, and the doorknob on my mystery door. We gutted the latch and replaced everything else: it appears unmolested, but it opens! This was quite the job and made for a great little distraction last night but the good part only just happened.

My last room was never locked (primarily because Ross and I lost our keys) so I'm not used to taking keys with me. Coming back from class today I realized that I had neglected to bring along my key: I was locked out. But ah ha! I gave a rat-a-tat-tat on the next door, popped through the window and sprung in the door. Fucking sweet!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Gettin' Pruney

"First they start smooth and when they are going to die... they get pruney. They are old." - Preschoolers' thoughts on age

Sunday, May 13, 2007


I've had two wet dreams in the last two nights. That's very odd. Around December the same thing happened: two nights of nocturnal emission. Prior to that, I hadn't had a wet dream since I was like, 13 or something. Back then (in December, I mean, not 1998) it was suggested by some that I hadn't masturbated frequently enough, but I had. In fact, I believe I jacked it on both the nights in question. Now, however, is a different story. I haven't wanked recently at all, but with good cause. I have a bit of a scrape - a flesh wound, really - on my penis. I don't want to talk about how it got there. Actually, I really don't want to talk about it at all. OK, maybe I shouldn't have brought this up. Listen, the point is, I've got a boo-boo on my pee-pee so I haven't yanked the lizard and now I'm spewing spooge in my sleep.

Speaking of sleep and sex, I had an unrelated but very bizarre sex dream the other night. I dreamed that Baily and I were fornicating and I looked over to a mirror at my side. Visible in the mirror were three figures: Baily on bottom, a man on top of her with his head turned the other way, and another man on top of him. The man on the very top was facing the mirror and had a very familiar face: mine. My first thought was that I must clearly be the man on top since A) he has my face, and B) he is facing the mirror, which is where I must logically be looking in order to be seeing him. My second thought however was that I must actually be the man in the middle, since I am very obviously fornicating with Baily. I then remembered something James Tripp recently told me: that everyone in our dream is actually ourself. It therefor made sense that the man on top had my face since I am everyone in my dream, and I therefor concluded that I must be the man in the middle. I turned from the mirror and remarked to Baily, "I think someone else is here." We stopped copulating and I slowly turned around to see a large and completely strange man standing over us. I immediately woke up, an instant before screaming.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Coincidence Strikes Again!

Lock up your women and hide the fried chicken: Old Man Coincidence is on the prowl! Yesterday I made mention of the MPAA's new policy regarding smoking (a policy, I'm told, born from a male cow's anus). Immediately after posting that, Ross invited me to watch a documentary on the MPAA rating system (called This Film is Not Yet Rated). We got some cheap wine and pizza and settled in for a lovely night of alarming social commentary.

The movie over and the bottles empty, I suggested we go to Limerick's and say hi to FUCKING EVERYONE. So we did. I did say hi to most FUCKING EVERYONE and then Ross and I went with Baily and Baily's friend back to their hotel room. Borat was on but I wasn't really watching the TV. Woke up and Sleeper was on. Went home and then to lunch with Lex, James and folk. Lex says Florence is a dead city. Had a hamburger sandwich. It was just a hamburger in a pita. Kinda stupid if you ask me. It was suppose to thunderstorm today but it didn't. It was just rainy.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Latest (and soforth)

I've spent most of my time post-school on leisure programming. It's been great fun, though I haven't taken full advantage of the weather. Ross and I are supposed to have a quasi-party tonight. Ought be fun.

The MPAA will take smoking into consideration when rating movies. This is unequivocal bullshit! Total bullshit. Absolute BOOLSHEET!

Monday, May 07, 2007

A Minor Correction

The show was absolute shit. I've just come from my panel evaluation. Yes, R&J was famously horrific, I realize that now and with that realization comes salvation. I feel more alive than I have in a long time. That's all I'm willing to commit to the eternity of the Internet for now.


Warm and Newly Dead

Romeo and Juliet is over. We went out with a bang: by far our best performance. This production has been quite unique. The comradeship among the cast and my confidence in the show surpassed all experience and expectation. I will forever tender this production, this cast, and this show most dearly in my heart.

Lemurs never say die!

Friday, May 04, 2007


My iPod made a frowny face the other day so I took it to the Apple store.

Genius: What's wrong?
Me: Well, it's like this... (touch iPod)
iPod: What up!
Me: Uh...
I guess the high concentration of Appleness brought it back to life. That, or I've got a ZombiPod on my hands. Who knew the machine uprising and the zombie apocalypse would happen at the same time! Holy Double-Feature Armageddon, Batman!

News From the Front:
Tribeca Cinema exists beyond time and space!

I'm no Einstein but I can tell the time. A movie in the Tribeca Film Festival caught my eye so I decided to attend the showing which was scheduled, according to their website, for "Fri, May 4, Midnight." "Midnight," as you may know, is shorthand for 12 o'clock AM. 12am, as you further may be aware, is the first hour of the day: it immediately follows 24 hours of the previous day and begins the 24 hours of the new one. I arrived at Tribeca around 11:45pm on Thursday, May the 3rd. If you're keeping track, that's 15 minutes shy of "Fri, May 4, Midnight." Well, upon inquiry, and after some deliberation betwixt the Tribeca staff, I was told to come back in 24 hours and 15 minutes. My date said that I "always do things the opposite of everyone else." Excuse me, but time is time, midnight is midnight, and Tribeca is fuck!

I'm Scott Peterson for News From the Front

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


Opening night of Romeo & Juliet. It went well. A few slip-ups, but nothing major. It's a sad show. Mom and Dad took me to dinner afterward.


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

The Hard Numbers

May 1st, 2007

For the past year (since May 2nd, 2006), I have made a record of each time I have masturbated, noting location, stimulation, and description. Today, for the first time, I did a statistical analysis on the data. Here are my findings:


  • I have masturbated 131 times in 365 days. That is an average of once every 2.786 days.
  • The longest period I went without masturbating was the 221.5 hours (9.2 days) from 6pm on June 3rd to 11:30pm on June 12th.
  • The shortest interval between masturbations was the 3.5 hours from 11pm on May 22nd to 2:30am on May 23rd.
  • The most I have masturbated in a 24-hour period is thrice on Friday, October 13th.
Masturbation by Day of the Week

Masturbation by Month

Masturbation by Hour

  • I thought about heterosexual intercourse 65 times. That's 49.6% of the time.
  • I thought about homosexual intercourse 60 times. That's 45.8% of the time.
  • That leaves 6 occasions (4.58%) on which I didn't think about a specific kind of intercourse.
Other Stats:
  • I utilized porn 73 times. That is 55.7% of the time.
  • I utilized lubricant 55 times. That is 41.98% of the time.
    • I noted using lotion 21 times (38% of lubricated incidents).
    • I noted using soap 16 times (29% of lubricated incidents).
    • That leaves 18 lubricated occasions on which I did not note the kind of lubricant. I was not strict about recording lubrication data - most of the undocumented incidents are probably soap.
  • I employed anal stimulation 19 times. That's 14.5% of the time.
  • On 6 occasions I fantasized about people I know personally.
  1. Shower (47 times)
  2. Toilet (43 times)
  3. Computer (30 times)
  4. Bed (3 times)
  5. Bathroom (twice)
  6. Chair (twice)
  7. My dreams (twice)
  8. Porch (once)
  9. Public bathroom (once)
  1. Good (14 times)
  2. Fine (11 times)
  3. Terse (8 times)
  4. Alright (7 times)
  5. Ordinary (6 times)
  6. Meh (5 times)
  7. Usual (3 times)
Each of the following descriptions occurred twice
  • Awesome
  • Fast
  • Forgetable
  • Goood
  • Gooood
  • Great
  • Intense
  • Quick
  • Underwhelming
Each of the following descriptions occurred once
  • Almost non-existant
  • Anal extravaganza!
  • Analstravaganza
  • As expected
  • As to be expected
  • Athletic
  • Awful
  • Belabored and underwhelming
  • Better
  • Bland
  • Calming
  • Chair
  • Creative
  • Devoid of satisfaction
  • Disappointing
  • Dreadfully ordinary
  • Drooling
  • Elaborate
  • Elongated
  • Excellent
  • Extremely short
  • Fdskfdssdf
  • Goooood
  • Laborious
  • Lackluster
  • Long
  • Meaningless
  • Meaningless cum
  • Minimalistic
  • Minor
  • Minor in the extreme
  • My right arm went numb
  • Nice
  • Norm
  • Not as complete a void as I had feared
  • Not that great
  • Not what the poets promised
  • Nothing special
  • Numbing
  • Overrated
  • Pretty good
  • Prolonged
  • Quick and dirty
  • Really good
  • Ritualistic
  • Short-ish
  • Special
  • Strenuous
  • Surprisingly satisfying
  • Titillating
  • Typical
  • Unsensational
  • Very unsatisfying
  • Well
  • You know
Results were added as events to a Google calendar. Each entry formally recorded the orientation, location and a brief summary. Further information was provided in an optional verbose description. Analysis was performed with a C# program utilizing Google's .NET GData API client library [1]. Formal data (orientation, location and summary) was parsed directly and calculated. Informal data (porn usage et al) was parsed in situ from the verbose description. Graphs were created with OpenOffice.

As with quantum theory, observation has surely influenced the outcome. It is possible that I did not masturbate when I otherwise would have because of an inability to record the results. It is also very likely that I - consciously or otherwise - attempted to balance the frequency of hetero and homosexual incidents. While the knowledge of the test may have had some small effect upon the results, I feel the data accurately reflects my natural masturbation habits. While I obviously don't have data prior to the 2nd of May, 2006, the results keep with my sense of pre-test behavior.

I do not intend to continue recording my masturbation habits in the immediate future. I may conduct additional tests of longer or shorter durations at some later point, but I want to rub some out off the record for a while.

I don't masturbate very much. I'm often occupied with other things and simply can't bother. Sometimes when preparing to masturbate (usually in the shower), my mind will wander and I will lose my erotic interest. It would probably be in my interest to masturbate more frequently. Now that the test is over, I hope to find more time for impromptu masturbation, unencumbered by concerns of time and internet connectivity.

"Wank long, wank hard!" - Harry Truman

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Zesty Lemons

I wrote this:

The Downside of Suffering

Today we did a guerrilla run of Romeo and Juliet in Central Park. Alacrity drove me to injury in the balcony scene: I skinned my knees whilst attempting a "rock and roll slide" on the gravel. Bandaged with a piece of Craig's shirt and on my feet again, I remarked to Grant and Steven, between slurps of the icicle pop Steve got me, that I relish the rare occasions on which I am the victim. I don't desire sickness or accident but when such things befall me I find guilty pleasure in the attention and popsicles. Injured and without my wallet as I am, it is reassuring to know that I have friends who will help and love me. I would do the same for any of them.

I was feeling significantly less kumbaya as I walked the mile from campus to Lafayette on my bum legs - without a MetroCard or the means to purchase one - and hungry for the food I cannot buy without cash, card, or student ID. That, I suppose, is the downside of suffering.

"That's so meta." -Craig on Travis doing Alex doing Julia doing that line from Shakespeare in Love

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Pop Quiz

How much of my wallet got stolen today:

  1. The laundry card
  2. Two of fifteen dollars
  3. My old Duane Reade receipts
  4. All of it
If you answered "All of it," you're the big winner. What do you win? Well friend, you do not win money, or laundry credit, old receipts, or even a driver's license, student ID, credit card or MetroCard. No, you win the grand pleasure of loaning me cash. Use the privilege wisely.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Why I like writing code better than writting essays

I confess, while writing this post I came to realize that these two things are more alike and I would prefer. The main difference between writing code and writing essays is that you immediately know what your code does.

This game is amazing.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

21: A Space Odyssey

It was my 21st birthday yesterday.

  • I slept in.
  • I had a nice rehearsal.
  • I saw some 15 minute plays.
  • My friends bought me lots of drinks. I was terribly drunk. I love them.
  • I went home.
  • I got into bed.
  • The fire alarm went off. At 3 in the morning.
  • We egressed. I was still terribly drunk.
  • We regressed. I was still terrible drunk.
  • I got back into bed.
  • I fell asleep.
The End.