Tuesday, November 29, 2005


I am a liar.

Monday, November 28, 2005

The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Twenty Eighth, Two Thousand and Five

I'm really sorry, but I succeeded in making myself pretty sick at the gym, so I'm gonna go straight to bed. I'll be sure to have an extra interesting day tomorrow to make up for today.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

The Events of My Day: Sunday, November the Twenty Seventh, Two Thousand and Five

  • Woke at my father's prompting, took a shower, and went back to sleep*.
  • Woke at my father's wild berating, threw on some cloths, and left for the airport.
  • I ordered a #4 ($3.96) from the terminal Burger King when I meant to order a number #3 ($4.96). Half-way through the French toast sticks, I imagined that I was actually eating the omelet sandwich I had desired. I then gloated to the Burger King corporation for getting what I really wanted at a dollar bellow the advertised price. I was not well slept.
  • The flight was a haze of half-conscious attempts to adjust the erection in my pants.
  • Finished my book on the Super Shuttle and formulated today's closing tidbit.
  • Unpacked.
  • Scared my roommate.
  • Ran to the gym, which was closed! (grrrr)
  • Showered.
  • Did some alone-work on my scene.
  • Got to bed early. Huzzah!
* I have no memory of these events.

A Proof That Virtual Objects Cannot Be Real
I know this proof to be incomplete because it lacks definitions for virtual and real objects. I omit them in the interest of brevity and trust that you, dear reader, share my same intuitive definition of the terms.

According to quantum theory, the physical attributes (mass, position, velocity, etc.) of real objects must first be observed in order to be calculated. By contrast, the physical attributes of virtual objects must first be calculated in order for them to be observed. Due to the necessary limitations on observation time (the speed of light) and calculation time (depending on the means of calculation, the speed of light, the speed of electrons through a given medium, the speed of pencil across paper), the observation and calculation can never occur simultaneously, thus rendering irrelevant the order in which the two occur. Consequently, it is a physical impossibility for virtual objects to be real.


The Events of My Day: Saturday, November the Twenty Sixth, Two Thousand and Five

  • And lovely dreams they were.
  • I can't say it. See below.
  • As much as I love the city, I do miss home-cooked meals.
  • Krispy Kreme has thwarted my plans again (what happened to 5-11?!).
  • We went to the grocery store instead.
  • They lacked pomegranates.
  • I purchased and ate bagel chips.
  • This car... it was parked right there... IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!
  • Computer > shower > book > slumber.

    There is an observation I am eager to make, but I fear it will be several years before I have the chance.

    Saturday, November 26, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Friday, November the Twenty Fifth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Cora woke me and we headed to breakfast w/ Brit and Julia.
    • Applebee's has an awesome appetizer sampler.
    • We journeyed all the way to the capital for a piece of delicious cake.
    • Saw RENT with mom & sis.
    • Napped from 8 to midnight.
    • Read.
    • Returned to my dreams.
    We are the minority of humankind: we the living. Eventually we must conform.

    Friday, November 25, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Thursday, November the Twenty Fourth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Gobble Gobble!
    • Earlier than expected? Super Shuttle, I love you!
    • Longer than expected? Airport security checkpoint line, you disappoint me!
    • Not to worry, I'll just whip out my Awesome Atomic Smile: No gloom can withstand its power!
    • What sleep was lost to the suitemate's party was found on the plane. Unsalted please!
    • My father found me cold and offered me a motor vehicle. Sure I'll ride home, dad!
    • Hug the fam! Yeah!
    • Phone the extended fam! Awkward!
    • Schmooze the honorary fam! I wuv you guws!
    • Spare a turkey, eat some ham!
    • Ah, the joy of masterbating in one's own bathroom!
    • Harry Potter. 'Nuff said!
    • Saw a friend at the theater!
    • And then to sweet, sweet sleep!
    This post has as many exclamation marks as it does all other punctuation marks combined!

    Wednesday, November 23, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Wednesday, November the Twenty Third, Two Thousand and Five

    • Late to studio for the first time.
    I am certain I will retain no memory of this day in three months time. Sooner, perhaps.

    The Events of My Day: Tuesday, November the Twenty Second, Two Thousand and Five

    I thought it was my parent's anniversary today, but it was on the 12th.

    Tuesday, November 22, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Twenty First, Two Thousand and Five

    I had a lovely day. Nothing makes you feel good about yourself like studio teacher evaluations. Caught some Zs in the interim, chatted with some friends, and did a wonderful scene. If only I hadn't stayed up so late on the computer...

    No son of mine will be circumcised, if I have my way.

    Monday, November 21, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Sunday, November the Twentieth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Woke at 1:45 PM.
    • Our matinee show began at 2 PM.
    • So that was fun.
    • The run went well, but the audience was hung over. Sunday afternoon: what can you do?
    • Grabbed grub with the cast.
    • Evening show (our last performance) began at 8 PM. It was pretty good.
    • Hugs, kisses and flowers.
    • A mom treated us to a late diner.
    • Got home and finished as much as I could of a drawing. I may post it later.
    • I have not brushed my teeth today.
    One some level, aren't all questions rhetorical?

    Sunday, November 20, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Saturday, November the Nineteenth, Two Thousand and Five

    • I fell in love with our show.
    • I drew.
    For the most part, the Internet and I have sharply divergent tastes in pornography.

    Saturday, November 19, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Friday, November the Eighteenth, Two Thousand and Five

    What a day, what a day.

    • The Biting Cold nibbled on my zombified corpse for almost a mile.
    • I lay twixt sleep and wake for almost an hour.
    • Our surrogate movement class changed my life for almost an hour.
    • I tried to hail a cab for almost forever.
    • And I appeared in a play for almost not at all.
    The opposite of love is greed.

    Friday, November 18, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Thursday, November the Seventeenth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Hauled my ass out of bed to register for classes.
    • Hauled my ass out of bed for a fire alarm.
    • Hauled my ass out of bed for a class I didn't attend.
    • Wallowed in my own filth.
    • Tried some learning.
    • Did some laundry.
    • Hauled my ass to rehearsal.
    • Hauled my ass back home to get a costume piece I forgot.
    • Named a thing.
    • My ass hauled me to rehearsal once more.
    • And I hauled it back.
    Our show is just now in a condition to begin productive dress rehearsals. The thing is, we open tomorrow. The play's about marriage: maybe we ought to get the audience juiced up on champagne before we start.

    The particulars of culture stem from the arbitrary idiosyncrasies of anatomy.

    Thursday, November 17, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Wednesday, November the Sixteenth, Two Thousand and Five

    Again, I don't remember much. Here's some stuff I think happened:

    • Got my registration papers signed so I can register for classes tomorrow.
    • Slept through most of studio.
    • Had a jolly time sucking at a punctuation exercise (that's Mister Semicolon to you!).
    • Rehearsed, as I have for the past two days, and as I will tomorrow, until three in the morning. The fucking morning.
    I realize how much of my vision is obscured by hair.

    Wednesday, November 16, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Tuesday, November the Fifteenth, Two Thousand and Five

    I don't even fucking remember.

    Tuesday, November 15, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Fourteenth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Welcomed the day with a soar throat.
    • Didn't eat.
    • Lost my sole to the white man's flashing devil box.
    • Ate.
    • Spoke and listened.
    • Ate.
    • Made out with crazy girl in the car in front of a dozen people.
    • Sang to my father.
    • Ate.
    • Gymed.
    • Cleaned and amused myself.
    • Rehearsed.
    • Named a thing.
    • Piddled away some excess time.
    • Departed the day with a soar throat.
    "Woe is me!"
    - Esophageal Sphincter

    Monday, November 14, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Sunday, November the Thirteenth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Forgot all of my dreams.
    • Hunted and gathered myself a breakfast.
    • Bade the noon-day sun farewell.
    • Entered a windowless room of rehearsal.
    • Did the things one does.
    • Emerged upon the darkened streets.
    • Hopscotched through pools of artificial light to a campus cafeteria.
    • Plummeted through faintly vaginal tunnels of transit.
    • Made out with a crazy girl in a car. Four times.
    • Revealed a secret.
    • Assisted in the happying of a birthday (despite my own sorrow).
    • Made out with the crazy girl in the car again.
    • And again with the vagina imagery.
    If I could impregnate a woman with all of the things I don't know, she would surely birth a most brilliant something.

    Sunday, November 13, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Saturday, November the Twelfth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Got up at the crack (9:30's the crack if you went to bed at 5AM).
    • Wrestled that fucking clown for some eggs.
    • Friend and friend's friend and people none of us knew and I went to the Machinima Film Festival at the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens.
    • Saw some machinima.
    • Saw some machitima.
    • Congratulated a man from a certain Washington-based gaming company with which I am acquainted on a lovely presentation.
    • Took in some live-performance machinima.
    • Went home.
    • Assed my chair for two hours.
    • Uttered a guttural noise.
    • Re-installed my operating system.
    • Began a new book.
    • Coined the verb "assed."
    I ass, you ass, he, she, it asses, we ass, you ass, they ass!

    Saturday, November 12, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Friday, November the Eleventh, Two Thousand and Five

    • Steph gave me a bloody ankle.
    • Joan gave me a nice nap.
    • Cafe 28 gave me too little for too much.
    • Al gave me a laugh.
    • I gave myself a hard time.
    • Something gave me a toothache.
    • Computer gave me soar eyes.
    • And I cut my pants.
    If I didn't keep living, what would you read, dear reader?

    Friday, November 11, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Thursday, November the Tenth, Two Thousand and Five

    • So I'm all asleep, and then, like...
    • WOW, I'm awake!
    • And then I'm all like, READ!
    • So I, like, read a lot.
    • And then I'm like, REHEARSE!
    • So I ate.
    • Pizza.
    • Then I went to a class that wasn't in a classroom,
    • And then I went to one that was.
    • And then I went to my room,
    • Then the gym,
    • Then my room again,
    • And I'm all,
    • Like,
    • SLEEP!!!
    • So I posted a bunch on the Internet.

    Fin Fo' Real

    Wednesday, November 09, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Wednesday, November the Ninth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Studio.
    • Gym.
    • TV.
    • Book.
    • Sleep.
    ME: "Pick ten words that, when said together, are more beautiful than all others."
    ROOMMATE: "That's a tough question. That is a very tough question."

    The Events of My Day: Tuesday, November the Eighth, Two Thousand and Five

    • Blink-182 helped me fold laundry.
    • Hamlet blew my mind.
    • I rehearsed a Shakespeare scene at an ungodly hour and I'm still fuzzy on my lines.
    • I renewed my vow to dental floss.
    The city's largest cockroach terrorizes the Fulton St. Subway station (uptown 4, 5 platform).

    Tuesday, November 08, 2005

    The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Seventh, Two Thousand and Five

    • Happy birthday dear roommate!
    • A classmate...
      • Version 1: Finally came to realize that (s)he was a cancer to the studio and all of those in it...
      • Version 2: Was finally informed by the studio and all of those in it that (s)he was a cancer...
    • ... and has announced his/her regretful departure from our institution. Tears were shed. Joyous, joyous tears.
    • An elective class has fallen from my schedule at the last possible date.
    • Birthday cupcakes were expensive and mediocre.
    • Least fulfilling ejaculation of my life.
    • Much laundry.
    • "Manos" Hands of Fate: My face hurts from smiling.
    • A new blog has begun: how puzzling.
    The Empire State building is red and yellow tonight.

    what don't i understand?