Milk

The days of my boyhood were simple and care-free: there was one and only one kind of milk. Skim. Better known to Good Christians everywhere as, simply, "milk." Upon moving to the Big City, my delicate Midwestern certitudes were unprepared for the new and exotic milks on offer. I did a lot of experimenting which lead to a quagmire of amorality and indecision. Until now. I have finally seen the light. I have found my milk: "Xtra Calcium Boost." It's 99.8% fat free but doesn't taste like dirty dishwater. It has both "HIGH PROTEIN" and "VITAMIN D," which is, like, my favorite vitamin. It has a yellow cap, as if to say, "I am the sun, dawning on a new day of dairy beverages; I am the flower, blossoming for the prevention of osteoporosis." I just hope they have this stuff in The States.

You just got INFORMED, son!