FOR WHOM THE MEME TOLLS, or, YOU HOLD HER DOWN AND I'LL SCOOP HER BRAINS OUT THROUGH HER NOSE

If I could resurrect one fad, it would be mummification. You could keep grandma in her easy chair next to Mr. Kibbles III. She gets to be in all the family photos. It would be good for the kids.

The next best thing is the topic of today's post: Memeification (meem-ih-fih-kay-shun). If you don't already know, the theory of memes was discovered by evolutionary biologists and subsequently weaponized by the Internet. Memes are like in-jokes where everyone is "in." They are also highly dangerous.

Internet memes function like a kind of mystical incantations. When they are perpetrated upon a person, the victim become memeified. They are transformed from a living, breathing, human being into a walking parody of themselves. Neither alive nor dead. Damned to roam the purgatorial wastelands of their former life, unable to be taken seriously by anyone, moaning ironically with outstretched arms. Or so we imagine. Best examples of memeies (mee-mees, similar to mummies; singular memey) include Chuck Norris and Rick Astley. When memeies are unaware that they have been memeified (as when Chuck Norris suffers from the misapprehension that other people care what he thinks), it is almost too sad to be funny. Almost.

Now we arrive at the call to action: I propose that we memeify Sarah Palin.

This is a tall order to fill. Never before has the internet successfully memeified anyone who is already such a complete self-parody. We are also competing with Tina Fey's extremely dominant direct-parody. The challenge is to engineer a single meme capable of overwhelming all other Palin-related signals, until the woman is wholly and completely memefied from hair to heal-spike.

So what is the ultimate Sarah Palin meme? For that we turn to the evolutionary biological procedure of knock-down-drag-out Natural Selection. A bloody competition for resources and mates. And you can play too! May the best meme win.

The playing field is broad. You can use any part of the Internet to propagate your meme. YouTube, Twitter, Digg, Reddit, blogs, podcasts, IM, IRC, Facebook. Anything. The pallet is equally broad: the accent, the turkeys, the unwed pregnant teenage daughter whose baby-daddy's mom could host the reality-show-takeoff of Weeds (when she gets out of jail, that is). No holds are barred in this mad race to become Internet's Next Top Meme.

Victory belongs to the first meme which is referenced by the New York Times.

With the election over, one might wonder at the timing and utility of such an exercise in memetic engineering. I could say that we are immunizing ourselves against Palin '12, but the truth of the matter is, she just fucking deserves it.

GO!