Friday, May 29, 2009

Breakup Letter

Dear Humanity,

I have finally had enough of your shit. You pathologically make fool of yourself at the slightest opportunity and I am all out of excuses. You clearly have a tremendous amount of potential, so it pains me all the more that you demonstrate a masochistic compulsion to embarrass me with your juvenile antics. Deliberately or otherwise, these lesser demons have shouted down one too many better angles for my taste.

Your dangerously immature and reckless patterns of behavior are outdone only by their willfully ignorant and laughably absurd motives. The nonsense which passes for reason in your halls of power puts any other bullshit to shame. How I wish you would break character to jocularly inform me of the hidden cameras. PUNKED! you would yell, and I would weep cathartic tears of relief. Instead I am weeping tears of shame for this fantastic joke with no punchline.

Your opportunities are numbered. I urge you to seize upon those as yet un-squandered with the talent and zeal of which I know you are capable. Your potential is the standard by which you are judged. The high achievements of the species are of a quality supreme. Your consistent and repeated failure of this quality betrays the essential tension of humanity: that between consciousness and instinct. This tension must be addressed if humanity is to ascend. You must become a moral and reasonable civilization of moral and reasonable individuals. You are as yet awkwardly poised between that goal and a tribe of big-headed shit-sniffing primates. Let me know when you evolve. In the meantime, I'm going to sit over here in the corner making snide remarks and crying myself to sleep.

Best of luck,

- Your Future