Thursday, March 05, 2009


If I could bring back two fads, the second would be the epistolary novel. They were really big in the 18th century but I don't know what's happened to them since. I just wrote a whole bunch of quick emails and I would like to share them with you now. I'm omitting the recipients. The salient details to pick out are: John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Friday the 13th, and either 9:15 or 9:18. I was apparently a little confused.

Subject: Flight

I'm getting into JFK next Friday at 9:18pm. I have a number of bids for generously-putting-me-up, so what can you offer in the tender hugging, unsolicited smiles, and omelet skillet departments that would seal the deal? I will see you in a week my dear.


Subject: Home again, home again, jiggity jig

I'm getting into JFK at 9:15pm on the 13th. I will be staying with some friends until I something figured out. Might that something be with you? What's the latest? And how was your mom's wedding? Keep me aboob.

- Scott

Subject: Christmas is Coming Early

Ho Ho Ho, bitch! You've been a naaaaaughty girl this year, haven't you. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! Well, I'm just gonna have to come over there and do something about you. My flight gets into JFK Friday the 13th at 9:15pm. Meet me in Manhattan. In the alley. Behind the building. My inappropriateness and I will be waiting.

But for serious, I may not be in NY very long and I want you to visit. I don't care who you fuck. Make it happen.

And I love you.

- Scott

Subject: Get Ready

My flight gets into JFK at 9:15pm. WHUCHA GONNA DO, HUH?!

Subject: Re: Get Ready

P.S. I love you very much and want to go to dinner with you and by go to dinner I mean have you take my to dinner because I just spent the end of my money on a plane ticket and it's OK if dinner is at KFC I'll eat anything just so I can spend time with you.

Subject: I am returned

Like Jesus, I'm comin' back! My flight gets into JFK at 9:15pm on Friday the 13th. Hope your thing today goes painlessly. I'll be in touch soon.