Dec 30

• Steve said, "Wake up!"
• Salmon said, "Eat me!"
• Snow said, "Make a ball of me!"
• Backyard said, "Turn me into a sledding run!"
• Cell phone contact list said, "Call them all!"
• Some said, "We'll come!"
• Good Times said, "I was had!"
• Papa John's said, "Coupons? LOTS OF PIZZA!"
• We said, "Ugg, too much piiiiiza..."
• Fire said, "MMMMM" (sound of warmth)
  
• Cora said, "Brokeback Mountain?"
• Steve said, "Brokeback Mountain!"
• Brokeback Mountain said so much.
• They said, "See ya tomorrow!"

And I just kept sayin', "Hell's yeah!"

Dec 29

• Had a vivid dream that I won't soon forget. Things I wish were so.
  
• No underwear. Again.
• Yummy dinner.
• Finally got a call from Nick: "New York Nick" for you Minnesota readers, "Minnesota Nick" for you New York readers.
• Met up in St. Paul.
• Discussed poetry projects and other chit-chat.
• Caught "Breakfast on Pluto" @ The Lagoon (we didn't really like it).
• By the time I got back to my car, the sky was surging snow!
• I drove home veeeeerrry slooooooowly.
• Safe and sound. Thanks for waiting up, dad!
  

Some self-observations:
I often try to inconspicuously maintain mystery about myself when I meet new people. Some narcissistic neurosis, I'm sure. Consequently, not many people get to know me very well. I don't attend many social gathering, partially because I don't think those sort of things are very interesting, but also because the parties in my social circle tend to involve some kind of chemical recreation and for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, I don't partake in those activities. I think a large part of it deals with retaining control of my faculties. I have a compulsion to scrutinize my behavior, both before I enact it and, to my frequent infuriation, after. Booze eliminates my ability to think before I speak and remember what I've said. In my artistic work I have difficulty "letting go"; the same appears to be true in my life. Another, more conscious contributing factor is the desire to be thought of as virtuous by the standards I claim to reject. I hold myself as godless, with no belief in objective morality. I voice approval for pre/non-marital sex, recreational drugs, alcohol usage and the like, but I enjoy none of these in my life. Perhaps I think my adherence to moral standards awards me credit with those who proselytize them; credit to then be spent on shouting down those very standards. I expect the real reason is more selfish: I want others to think me virtuous. Virtuous and mysterious. Not qualities that get me laid!

Dec 28

forgot

Dec 27

• I futzed quite a bit, and that's all I really remember.

... But in certain situations, the internet and I agree rather well.

Day After Christmas

• I got to sleep just fine last night, thank you very much.
  
• Fun at Fun With Dick and Jane with Mom and Pop and Brit.
• Antics and the like.
• Intercepted Cora.
• Dear Applebee's: Could your appetizers be any more delicious? I think not. Love, me.
  
• Retrieved a wallet.
• The U-Lands: Drive-Thru open 24 hours!
• Snuggle puddle until 3.
• Compie for an hour.
• Book.
• Bed.

We are the nest egg of the Earth, soon to hatch. We shall shed Nature and God and soar to the throne of Heaven.

Christmas '05

• Well, let me tell you, I had a helluva time getting to sleep Christmas eve / early Christmas morning. I was very tired, but I just couldn't clock out for the life of me. I guess I was anxious to meet Santa (I didn't, sadly).
• At any rate, I set my alarm for 6 so that I'd have time to sneak off to Krispy Kreme and surprise the Fam with a Christmas Dozen!
• I got up all right and I decided to call ahead and see if they were open on this, a federal holiday. Ring ring ring. Ring ring ring.
• Ring ring ring ring ring.
• Drats!
• Back to sleep. Sorta...
• Dad finally woke me up at 7:something and the present ceremony commenced.
• I was surprised to find that my Cannon PowerShow A620 digital camera, which we had order less than a week ago, was waiting for me on the mantle. Oh JOY!
• Here are some pictures:
• We all had a nice breakfast and then went to see a movie (it turned out to be "The Producers," which I thoroughly enjoyed).
• We all piled home and dug into our new books by the fire.
• BEHOLD:

• And it was delicious.
• After that, I was the only one who made it all the way through "The Godfather."
• Everyone else went to bed and I concluded a little bit of recreational writing.
• I reckon' I'll read for a little and then pray that sleep finds me with haste.

I've started a Flickr account for my pics. It has some more shots from today and I'll try to update it often. With the way this blog is shaping up, I wouldn't be surprised if I actually do!

Sieg Heil!

Christmas Eve

• King Kong
• It's a Wonderful Life

Merry Christmas!

Dec 23

• Soft-core Christmas shopping.
• Recreational writing.

There is a whole category of human thought for which no vile words offer accurate articulation. Absent from language, these thoughts escape record. Absent from record, all humans assume such thoughts are unique to themselves. Thinking such thoughts bizarre, no new words are invented for their use. Rinse, lather, repeat.

Dec 22

It's already 2 am? I'm genuinely suprised. In no particular order:

• Began learing Python.
• Solved a little problem.
• Didn't go to King Kong (grr).
• Yeah, that's all that sticks out.

import random
import wit
print random.sample(wit.insights,1)[0]

Dec 21

• A day of consumption.
• TICKLES!
• BROOMBALL!
• Engaging philosophical discussion, the fruit of which ripened in my lonely head on the drive home.

Science is fit to answer How, philosophy is fit to answer Why. Religion must try to answer both and, in so doing, answers nothing.

Dec 20

• Caught up on the news.
• Met up with Liz and her mom.
• Saw Syriana with Cora.
• The rest of my day was spent hanging around the house.

No sooner were those of the title burned at the stake, than the clergy covets the label "Scientist."

Dec 19

• Gift shopped.
• Had lunch with Cora and mom.
• Choir concert.
• Three hours of the Daily Show online.

Vituperative: (adj) Scathing; Marked by harshly abusive criticism;

Dec 18

• 2pm: fine time to wake from a ghastly dream.
• Made myself some breakfast/lunch/almost dinner.
• Remembered the ghastly dream.
  
• Dallied about on the Information Super-Highway.
• Shared the ghastly dream.
  
• Continued to dally and scheme.
• Began the search for better dreams.

Beasts breed, people build. Humans are as yet somewhere in the middle.

Dec 17

• Woke bright and early.
• Packed.
• SuperShuttled to the airport.
• (The airport BK menu is $1 more expensive in NY).
• Flew home.
• Hugged.
• Went to the high school musical (yeah little sister!).
• Shmoozed all the old crew.
  
• Swung by Applebee's for some late-night appetizer.
• Discussed masturbation.
  
• Had a pomegranate.
• Masturbated.
• Fell asleep as I always do when I'm home: naked.
• Easy peasy.
  

With regard to religion, one either believes or disbelieves a particular. With regard to science, one either understands or fails to understand.

Dec 16

Oh, you poor old blog. Look how neglected you are. Sorry to disappoint again, but I've done literally nothing today. Spent all 24 hours doing boring computer stuff. Didn't even leave the room. How awful. I go home tomorrow, so I promise some exciting accounts for you soon. Be strong!

Dec 15

I'm awful, aren't I?

Dec 14

sorry

Dec 13

• I really can't believe I finished all of my papers in time to hand in. I will never live through that hell of cramming again. At least, until next semester's finals.
  
• I'm wasting needed time on frivolous pursuits. Will I ever learn?!
  
• JUST GO THE HELL TO BED!
  

Dec 12

I'd really rather not talk about it.

Dec 11

• Each awakening is a unique experience; it's a shame we don't often remember the particulars of these transitions.
• I had to get out, and lunch seemed like the likely place to go.
• I only did some of the homework due for Tuesday. Down to the wire, I know.
• Saw Bach at Leipzig again with Lex. She loved it.
  
• Stepped through Bent.
• Tied up those loose ends of my day.
• Waited at the rendezvous point for sleep to find me.

"We're only just as happy as everyone else seems to think we are" - Jimmy Eat World

Not Dec 10

5,999,999,999 people bore witness to this day, but I abstained from this particular 24-hour interval in the space-time continuum. See you tomorrow, world.

Dec 9

• Got intimate with a tennis ball.
• Did the same thing twice.
• Laughed and cowered (not in that order).
• Huffed it.
• Took my sweet time winding down.
• Plunked out.

"For me, this is somewhere between taking a shit and having sex." -Steff on the tennis ball thing.

Dec 8

• Surprised Thursday at noon.
• Did a little dance.
• Strolled about town.
• Downstiened some lunch for the first time this year.
• Finished my book (it had a surprise ending!).
• Followed a friend to FREE FOOD!
• Was there when my class happened.
• Was there when my class didn't happen.
• Ate too much and gymed.
• Computered too much and slept.

I'm putting my dirty clothes in a big heap on the floor next to my bed so I know where they are!

Dec 7

• Class cancelled?!
• A minor mistake cost me half an hour in the biting cold.
• Certain things about my Group embarrass me.
• Ack! Blog, your "Chronological Account of The Events of My Day" structure has forced me to remember Verse class. Curse You!
• Friends are engaged to share yesterday's eclipsing play with me again on Sunday.
• At LONG LAST (and you, fair reader - being neither me nor my roommate - cannot fully appreciate the auspice of this encounter) I have meet MATT. Contrary to my earlier theories, he is real!
• Had a jolly time at the jim.
• Retired for a soothing evening of web browsing and leisurely reading.

Happy One-Month-Birthday, Blog! Ya know, I'm kinda starting to like you, you old coot. And I forgive you the thing about verse class.

Dec 6

• A most amazing production called Bach at Leipzig eclipses all other events of my day and completes my transcendental connection to God.
  
• Oh, and the Quiznos was out of mushrooms. Those bastards!
  

Dec 5

• First class had poor attendance.
  
• Heard a fascinating conversation between a woman and herself.
• Presented our scene (Bent, if you're curious to know). Partner forgot some significant lines, unfortunately.
• Help out with friends' scene (I have the bruises to prove it).
• Beheld a terrible secret and had a fine conversation that was mostly about me.
• Dinner and gym with the roommate!
• Read and then...
• It ended how it always does.

I'll share a personal fact with you, dear reader: my belly button almost always contains lint.

Dec 4

• Oofta!-ed outa bed.
• Constructed a great costume at Goodwill.
  
• Tuckered myself out for our rehearsal,
• And then rehearsed.
• Bummed some charity-pizza.
  
• Went to another rehearsal where I was crammed under a desk and strangled. (Shits and giggles, folks.)
  
• The bus stole my gym time, so I Upsteined some Quiznos on a pita,
• Subwayed to 29th,
• Walked to 26th,
• Rode to the 18th,
• And oofta!-ed into bed.

Her greatest tragedy is my sweetest pleasure: the absence of one's cell phone.

Dec 3

• Slithered into bed and fell asleep.
  
• Dicked around on the computer until it was too early.
• Ah well; I ate.
  
• Something was closed and it didn't please me.
• Four rehearsals down, one to go.
• Explored the futility of a possible project.
  
• Which is tastier: lunch, or loneliness? I had both at the same time.
  
• Reserved space for our penultimate rehearsal.
• Woke over the course of an hour.
• Slipped into the day on the sweet, sweet cloud of Sleep.

I take many of my meals - especially dinners - alone. This is primarily because my roommate continually declines my invitations to go to the gym, which is generally where I acquire food.

Dec 2

• Voice and Speech class opened my eyes.
  
• The rest of studio was same-ole same-ole.
• My scene partner and I sadly couldn't rehearse (prior obligation of his).
• Food and gym in one trip.
• Back home to pontificate and read.

"I don't mean to question the Intelligence of the Designer, but do you seriously mean that the food goes in the same hole that we use to breathe?! And no one else sees that causing some trouble?"

Dec 1

Rabbit Rabbit!

The Last Day of November

• Did some stuff.
• Forgot to do some stuff.
• Didn't do some other stuff.

Being mean never helped anything. Except my burning desire to hurt someone I love.

Today

I am a liar.

The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Twenty Eighth, Two Thousand and Five

I'm really sorry, but I succeeded in making myself pretty sick at the gym, so I'm gonna go straight to bed. I'll be sure to have an extra interesting day tomorrow to make up for today.

The Events of My Day: Sunday, November the Twenty Seventh, Two Thousand and Five

• Woke at my father's prompting, took a shower, and went back to sleep*.
• Woke at my father's wild berating, threw on some cloths, and left for the airport.
• I ordered a #4 ($3.96) from the terminal Burger King when I meant to order a number #3 ($4.96). Half-way through the French toast sticks, I imagined that I was actually eating the omelet sandwich I had desired. I then gloated to the Burger King corporation for getting what I really wanted at a dollar bellow the advertised price. I was not well slept.
• The flight was a haze of half-conscious attempts to adjust the erection in my pants.
• Finished my book on the Super Shuttle and formulated today's closing tidbit.
• Unpacked.
• Scared my roommate.
• Ran to the gym, which was closed! (grrrr)
• Showered.
• Did some alone-work on my scene.
• Got to bed early. Huzzah!
  

* I have no memory of these events.

A Proof That Virtual Objects Cannot Be Real
I know this proof to be incomplete because it lacks definitions for virtual and real objects. I omit them in the interest of brevity and trust that you, dear reader, share my same intuitive definition of the terms.

According to quantum theory, the physical attributes (mass, position, velocity, etc.) of real objects must first be observed in order to be calculated. By contrast, the physical attributes of virtual objects must first be calculated in order for them to be observed. Due to the necessary limitations on observation time (the speed of light) and calculation time (depending on the means of calculation, the speed of light, the speed of electrons through a given medium, the speed of pencil across paper), the observation and calculation can never occur simultaneously, thus rendering irrelevant the order in which the two occur. Consequently, it is a physical impossibility for virtual objects to be real.

Q.E.D.

The Events of My Day: Saturday, November the Twenty Sixth, Two Thousand and Five

• And lovely dreams they were.
• I can't say it. See below.
• As much as I love the city, I do miss home-cooked meals.
• Krispy Kreme has thwarted my plans again (what happened to 5-11?!).
• We went to the grocery store instead.
• They lacked pomegranates.
• I purchased and ate bagel chips.
• This car... it was parked right there... IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!
• Computer > shower > book > slumber.

There is an observation I am eager to make, but I fear it will be several years before I have the chance.

The Events of My Day: Friday, November the Twenty Fifth, Two Thousand and Five

• Cora woke me and we headed to breakfast w/ Brit and Julia.
• Applebee's has an awesome appetizer sampler.
• We journeyed all the way to the capital for a piece of delicious cake.
• Saw RENT with mom & sis.
• Napped from 8 to midnight.
• Read.
• Returned to my dreams.

We are the minority of humankind: we the living. Eventually we must conform.

The Events of My Day: Thursday, November the Twenty Fourth, Two Thousand and Five

• Gobble Gobble!
• Earlier than expected? Super Shuttle, I love you!
• Longer than expected? Airport security checkpoint line, you disappoint me!
• Not to worry, I'll just whip out my Awesome Atomic Smile: No gloom can withstand its power!
• What sleep was lost to the suitemate's party was found on the plane. Unsalted please!
  
• My father found me cold and offered me a motor vehicle. Sure I'll ride home, dad!
• Hug the fam! Yeah!
  
• Phone the extended fam! Awkward!
  
• Schmooze the honorary fam! I wuv you guws!
• Spare a turkey, eat some ham!
• Ah, the joy of masterbating in one's own bathroom!
  
• Harry Potter. 'Nuff said!
• Saw a friend at the theater!
• And then to sweet, sweet sleep!
  

This post has as many exclamation marks as it does all other punctuation marks combined!

The Events of My Day: Wednesday, November the Twenty Third, Two Thousand and Five

• Late to studio for the first time.

I am certain I will retain no memory of this day in three months time. Sooner, perhaps.

The Events of My Day: Tuesday, November the Twenty Second, Two Thousand and Five

I thought it was my parent's anniversary today, but it was on the 12th.

The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Twenty First, Two Thousand and Five

I had a lovely day. Nothing makes you feel good about yourself like studio teacher evaluations. Caught some Zs in the interim, chatted with some friends, and did a wonderful scene. If only I hadn't stayed up so late on the computer...

No son of mine will be circumcised, if I have my way.

The Events of My Day: Sunday, November the Twentieth, Two Thousand and Five

• Woke at 1:45 PM.
• Our matinee show began at 2 PM.
• So that was fun.
• The run went well, but the audience was hung over. Sunday afternoon: what can you do?
• Grabbed grub with the cast.
• Evening show (our last performance) began at 8 PM. It was pretty good.
  
• Hugs, kisses and flowers.
• A mom treated us to a late diner.
• Got home and finished as much as I could of a drawing. I may post it later.
• I have not brushed my teeth today.
  

One some level, aren't all questions rhetorical?

The Events of My Day: Saturday, November the Nineteenth, Two Thousand and Five

• I fell in love with our show.
• I drew.

For the most part, the Internet and I have sharply divergent tastes in pornography.

The Events of My Day: Friday, November the Eighteenth, Two Thousand and Five

What a day, what a day.

• The Biting Cold nibbled on my zombified corpse for almost a mile.
• I lay twixt sleep and wake for almost an hour.
• Our surrogate movement class changed my life for almost an hour.
• I tried to hail a cab for almost forever.
• And I appeared in a play for almost not at all.

The opposite of love is greed.

The Events of My Day: Thursday, November the Seventeenth, Two Thousand and Five

• Hauled my ass out of bed to register for classes.
• Hauled my ass out of bed for a fire alarm.
• Hauled my ass out of bed for a class I didn't attend.
• Wallowed in my own filth.
• Tried some learning.
• Did some laundry.
• Hauled my ass to rehearsal.
• Hauled my ass back home to get a costume piece I forgot.
• Named a thing.
• My ass hauled me to rehearsal once more.
• And I hauled it back.
  

Our show is just now in a condition to begin productive dress rehearsals. The thing is, we open tomorrow. The play's about marriage: maybe we ought to get the audience juiced up on champagne before we start.

The particulars of culture stem from the arbitrary idiosyncrasies of anatomy.

The Events of My Day: Wednesday, November the Sixteenth, Two Thousand and Five

Again, I don't remember much. Here's some stuff I think happened:

• Got my registration papers signed so I can register for classes tomorrow.
• Slept through most of studio.
• Had a jolly time sucking at a punctuation exercise (that's Mister Semicolon to you!).
  
• Rehearsed, as I have for the past two days, and as I will tomorrow, until three in the morning. The fucking morning.
  

I realize how much of my vision is obscured by hair.

The Events of My Day: Tuesday, November the Fifteenth, Two Thousand and Five

I don't even fucking remember.

The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Fourteenth, Two Thousand and Five

• Welcomed the day with a soar throat.
  
• Didn't eat.
• Lost my sole to the white man's flashing devil box.
• Ate.
• Spoke and listened.
• Ate.
• Made out with crazy girl in the car in front of a dozen people.
• Sang to my father.
  
• Ate.
• Gymed.
• Cleaned and amused myself.
• Rehearsed.
• Named a thing.
• Piddled away some excess time.
• Departed the day with a soar throat.

"Woe is me!"
- Esophageal Sphincter

The Events of My Day: Sunday, November the Thirteenth, Two Thousand and Five

• Forgot all of my dreams.
• Hunted and gathered myself a breakfast.
• Bade the noon-day sun farewell.
• Entered a windowless room of rehearsal.
• Did the things one does.
• Emerged upon the darkened streets.
• Hopscotched through pools of artificial light to a campus cafeteria.
• Plummeted through faintly vaginal tunnels of transit.
• Made out with a crazy girl in a car. Four times.
• Revealed a secret.
  
• Assisted in the happying of a birthday (despite my own sorrow).
• Made out with the crazy girl in the car again.
• And again with the vagina imagery.
  

If I could impregnate a woman with all of the things I don't know, she would surely birth a most brilliant something.

The Events of My Day: Saturday, November the Twelfth, Two Thousand and Five

• Got up at the crack (9:30's the crack if you went to bed at 5AM).
• Wrestled that fucking clown for some eggs.
• Friend and friend's friend and people none of us knew and I went to the Machinima Film Festival at the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens.
• Saw some machinima.
• Saw some machitima.
• Congratulated a man from a certain Washington-based gaming company with which I am acquainted on a lovely presentation.
• Took in some live-performance machinima.
• Went home.
• Assed my chair for two hours.
• Uttered a guttural noise.
• Re-installed my operating system.
• Began a new book.
• Coined the verb "assed."

I ass, you ass, he, she, it asses, we ass, you ass, they ass!

The Events of My Day: Friday, November the Eleventh, Two Thousand and Five

• Steph gave me a bloody ankle.
• Joan gave me a nice nap.
• Cafe 28 gave me too little for too much.
  
• Al gave me a laugh.
• I gave myself a hard time.
  
• Something gave me a toothache.
• Computer gave me soar eyes.
• And I cut my pants.

If I didn't keep living, what would you read, dear reader?

The Events of My Day: Thursday, November the Tenth, Two Thousand and Five

• So I'm all asleep, and then, like...
• WOW, I'm awake!
• And then I'm all like, READ!
• So I, like, read a lot.
• And then I'm like, REHEARSE!
• So I ate.
• Pizza.
• AND THEN I REHEARSED!
• Then I went to a class that wasn't in a classroom,
• And then I went to one that was.
• And then I went to my room,
• Then the gym,
• Then my room again,
• And I'm all,
• Like,
• SLEEP!!!
• So I posted a bunch on the Internet.

Fin


P.S.

• AND THEN SLEPT!

Fin Fo' Real

The Events of My Day: Wednesday, November the Ninth, Two Thousand and Five

• Studio.
• Gym.
• TV.
• Book.
• Sleep.
  

ME: "Pick ten words that, when said together, are more beautiful than all others."
ROOMMATE: "That's a tough question. That is a very tough question."

The Events of My Day: Tuesday, November the Eighth, Two Thousand and Five

• Blink-182 helped me fold laundry.
• Hamlet blew my mind.
  
• I rehearsed a Shakespeare scene at an ungodly hour and I'm still fuzzy on my lines.
• I renewed my vow to dental floss.
  

The city's largest cockroach terrorizes the Fulton St. Subway station (uptown 4, 5 platform).

The Events of My Day: Monday, November the Seventh, Two Thousand and Five

• Happy birthday dear roommate!
• A classmate...
• Version 1: Finally came to realize that (s)he was a cancer to the studio and all of those in it...
• Version 2: Was finally informed by the studio and all of those in it that (s)he was a cancer...
• ... and has announced his/her regretful departure from our institution. Tears were shed. Joyous, joyous tears.
• An elective class has fallen from my schedule at the last possible date.
• Birthday cupcakes were expensive and mediocre.
• Least fulfilling ejaculation of my life.
• Much laundry.
  
• "Manos" Hands of Fate: My face hurts from smiling.
• A new blog has begun: how puzzling.
  

The Empire State building is red and yellow tonight.

what don't i understand?