Stand Down

So I did my stand up set at a comedy club last night. It went very well despite the fact that I was running on very little sleep. It's a lot like speech. I'll post a video when I get it. Maybe.

In other news, Geometry Wars is on Steam. Thus ends whatever productivity I might otherwise have had.

Braaaaains

If you have 20 minutes, watch this video. Summary:

To date, there hasn't been an overarching theory of how the human brain really works, Jeff Hawkins argues in this compelling talk. That's because we still haven't defined intelligence accurately. But one thing's for sure, he says: The brain isn't like a powerful computer processor. It's more like a memory system that records everything we experience and helps us predict, intelligently, what will happen next. Bringing this new brain science to computer devices will enable powerful new applications -- and it will happen sooner than you think.

Too Bad You Weren't There

As you may have read, I have a Mystery Porch just adjacent my apartment. Two weeks ago, my neighbor Lane and I were hanging out out there and I remarked, "You know what this place could use? A pool. A fucking pool." Two weeks later:

The faucet wasn't fast enough so I had to help things along:

It filled up just in time for our 9:00 party. Pizza, beer, friends and wonderful, wonderful pool. It was really warm too. I didn't take any shots of the party but someone else did. I'll post 'em if I get 'em. I had a fucking pool party in my New York apartment. This is the third awesomest thing I've ever done. Wish you coulda been there.

Cora turned my on to this. It's funny.

Back Again

I spent the weekend in MN for my sister's graduation. It's was nice, her party was big and I got to see some friends.

'Grapefruit' is both redundant and misleading.

Cerf's Up!

Just got back from a talk by Vint Cerf at Google NY. He's an incredibly articulate, intelligent and nice man. His work on an interplanetary networking protocol is fascinating.

So Old

It's one thing to be 21, but it's another thing entirely for someone to call you 21. I am old.

Our feet hold the weight of the world.

That's the Suprise!

Watch this:

Strong Feelings

My mom always used to tell me not to drag my feet. I didn't listen to her at the time but I don't do it anymore and I find people who do to be very annoying. I don't have an opinion on heals, except to say this: if you do wear them, know how to walk in them. A women who drags her heals is best shot. Not to sound misogynistic, the same goes for men in heals. This is the only strong position I have on footwear.

Travesty

An apple - one Granny Smith apple - at the corner deli costs a full US dollar. $1.00. One dollar and zero cents.

The Latest Thing

Is your toddler doing more coke than a Viennese call girl? Not yet anyway. Hedge your bets: Prehab™.

Today's rough and tumble world is a lot for a young one to handle. In our society of excess, temptation lurks around every corner. You owe it to them - you owe it to yourself - to intervene while there's still time: Prehab™.

All the biggest celebrity tots, like Apple and the Bradjelina baby, are getting the help they're sure to need in Prehab™.

Call today: 1-800-463-2184

Prehab™
A New Beginning, Right From the Start

Das Uber Goobers

To be a "geek" (as we use the term today) requires a sufficient exposure to science and technology. One cannot be a fully-realized geek on the indentured farm of one's vassal lord during the Middle Ages, or in pre-Mycenaean Greece. The collection of personality traits that define "geekiness" is not new, but the more perfect avenues of expression for those traits (science, technology, chess, and Cheetos) are. I wonder then what as-yet undiscovered invention or development will unlock a more perfect form of expression for what other personality trait or traits common to Humanity. Perhaps autism is merely a trait in need of some future science; some future technology. Telepathy, perhaps.

I had a dream that I went to New Zealand to get my hair cut, but I was on the phone with some technical support woman who just couldn't fix my problem. I don't know what the problem was.

Recycleables

I'm writing material for this class-sponsored stand up gig. I've already created a whole act, trashed it, and made a whole new one, and the show is still four weeks away. One place I've looked for inspiration is my blog. I've posted countless stupid little remarks: one of them is bound to be comic gold. Looking over some of my old posts, I realized that I recycle a lot of material in my life. When I talk to new people or comment in class, I often bring up ideas I've had before and, increasingly, ideas that I have blogged. I imagine my future friends are in for a letdown when they finally read my blog and see that all of my spiels they thought were clever extemp are in fact the same rehearsed wit I give everybody.

Sunday

One week into the summer semester and all is well. Classes are going swimmingly, I'm having fun and getting stuff done, and I just had a whole box of cereal. It was good. I'm still hungry.

If Ron Paul is nominated as the Republican candidate, I will vote for him.

Later that day...

Had first "What's so funny about New York" class. I must do 3-5 minutes of stand-up at a comedy club. I don't like writing stand-up; I'm no good at it. When I have more material I may post it for critiques.

Went to the gym for the first time in about three weeks. I'm weak.

If I were lactose intolerant, I'd kill myself with a garden hoe.

Fucking Sweet

NYU has the second highest suicide rate of any university in this country. We are famous for the "Bobst Diving Team" (Bobst is our 12-story library). As a consequence, every window in every NYU building only opens three inches. I just moved into a new room in my dorm and was excited and disappointed to see an unfinished room/balcony/medium-sized nook directly outside my window. Excited because it would be a bitchin' grill patio and exterior lounge, disappointed because it is completely inaccessible. Worse still, I've got a door leading directly to this drywall wonderland. Needless to say, the door is locked, bolted, and jammed.

Imagine my delight when I learned that the room next to mine has unfettered access to this cozy construction zone: their window opens all the way! I would have to pass through their room whenever I wanted access, but the possibilities for late-night cookouts are still delightful.

Well then we decided, myself and my neighbor, that a door is much bitchin'er than a window, so we got out my toolkit and dismantled the lock, the bolt, and the doorknob on my mystery door. We gutted the latch and replaced everything else: it appears unmolested, but it opens! This was quite the job and made for a great little distraction last night but the good part only just happened.

My last room was never locked (primarily because Ross and I lost our keys) so I'm not used to taking keys with me. Coming back from class today I realized that I had neglected to bring along my key: I was locked out. But ah ha! I gave a rat-a-tat-tat on the next door, popped through the window and sprung in the door. Fucking sweet!

Gettin' Pruney

"First they start smooth and when they are going to die... they get pruney. They are old." - Preschoolers' thoughts on age

Sleep

I've had two wet dreams in the last two nights. That's very odd. Around December the same thing happened: two nights of nocturnal emission. Prior to that, I hadn't had a wet dream since I was like, 13 or something. Back then (in December, I mean, not 1998) it was suggested by some that I hadn't masturbated frequently enough, but I had. In fact, I believe I jacked it on both the nights in question. Now, however, is a different story. I haven't wanked recently at all, but with good cause. I have a bit of a scrape - a flesh wound, really - on my penis. I don't want to talk about how it got there. Actually, I really don't want to talk about it at all. OK, maybe I shouldn't have brought this up. Listen, the point is, I've got a boo-boo on my pee-pee so I haven't yanked the lizard and now I'm spewing spooge in my sleep.

Speaking of sleep and sex, I had an unrelated but very bizarre sex dream the other night. I dreamed that Baily and I were fornicating and I looked over to a mirror at my side. Visible in the mirror were three figures: Baily on bottom, a man on top of her with his head turned the other way, and another man on top of him. The man on the very top was facing the mirror and had a very familiar face: mine. My first thought was that I must clearly be the man on top since A) he has my face, and B) he is facing the mirror, which is where I must logically be looking in order to be seeing him. My second thought however was that I must actually be the man in the middle, since I am very obviously fornicating with Baily. I then remembered something James Tripp recently told me: that everyone in our dream is actually ourself. It therefor made sense that the man on top had my face since I am everyone in my dream, and I therefor concluded that I must be the man in the middle. I turned from the mirror and remarked to Baily, "I think someone else is here." We stopped copulating and I slowly turned around to see a large and completely strange man standing over us. I immediately woke up, an instant before screaming.

Coincidence Strikes Again!

Lock up your women and hide the fried chicken: Old Man Coincidence is on the prowl! Yesterday I made mention of the MPAA's new policy regarding smoking (a policy, I'm told, born from a male cow's anus). Immediately after posting that, Ross invited me to watch a documentary on the MPAA rating system (called This Film is Not Yet Rated). We got some cheap wine and pizza and settled in for a lovely night of alarming social commentary.

The movie over and the bottles empty, I suggested we go to Limerick's and say hi to FUCKING EVERYONE. So we did. I did say hi to most FUCKING EVERYONE and then Ross and I went with Baily and Baily's friend back to their hotel room. Borat was on but I wasn't really watching the TV. Woke up and Sleeper was on. Went home and then to lunch with Lex, James and folk. Lex says Florence is a dead city. Had a hamburger sandwich. It was just a hamburger in a pita. Kinda stupid if you ask me. It was suppose to thunderstorm today but it didn't. It was just rainy.

The Latest (and soforth)

I've spent most of my time post-school on leisure programming. It's been great fun, though I haven't taken full advantage of the weather. Ross and I are supposed to have a quasi-party tonight. Ought be fun.

The MPAA will take smoking into consideration when rating movies. This is unequivocal bullshit! Total bullshit. Absolute BOOLSHEET!

A Minor Correction

The show was absolute shit. I've just come from my panel evaluation. Yes, R&J was famously horrific, I realize that now and with that realization comes salvation. I feel more alive than I have in a long time. That's all I'm willing to commit to the eternity of the Internet for now.

-Scott

Warm and Newly Dead

Romeo and Juliet is over. We went out with a bang: by far our best performance. This production has been quite unique. The comradeship among the cast and my confidence in the show surpassed all experience and expectation. I will forever tender this production, this cast, and this show most dearly in my heart.

Lemurs never say die!

ZombiPod

My iPod made a frowny face the other day so I took it to the Apple store.

Genius: What's wrong?
Me: Well, it's like this... (touch iPod)
iPod: What up!
Me: Uh...

I guess the high concentration of Appleness brought it back to life. That, or I've got a ZombiPod on my hands. Who knew the machine uprising and the zombie apocalypse would happen at the same time! Holy Double-Feature Armageddon, Batman!

News From the Front:
Tribeca Cinema exists beyond time and space!

I'm no Einstein but I can tell the time. A movie in the Tribeca Film Festival caught my eye so I decided to attend the showing which was scheduled, according to their website, for "Fri, May 4, Midnight." "Midnight," as you may know, is shorthand for 12 o'clock AM. 12am, as you further may be aware, is the first hour of the day: it immediately follows 24 hours of the previous day and begins the 24 hours of the new one. I arrived at Tribeca around 11:45pm on Thursday, May the 3rd. If you're keeping track, that's 15 minutes shy of "Fri, May 4, Midnight." Well, upon inquiry, and after some deliberation betwixt the Tribeca staff, I was told to come back in 24 hours and 15 minutes. My date said that I "always do things the opposite of everyone else." Excuse me, but time is time, midnight is midnight, and Tribeca is fuck!

I'm Scott Peterson for News From the Front

Opening

Opening night of Romeo & Juliet. It went well. A few slip-ups, but nothing major. It's a sad show. Mom and Dad took me to dinner afterward.

09-F9-11-02-9D-74-E3-5B-D8-41-56-C5-63-56-88-C0

The Hard Numbers

May 1st, 2007

For the past year (since May 2nd, 2006), I have made a record of each time I have masturbated, noting location, stimulation, and description. Today, for the first time, I did a statistical analysis on the data. Here are my findings:

Frequency:

• I have masturbated 131 times in 365 days. That is an average of once every 2.786 days.
• The longest period I went without masturbating was the 221.5 hours (9.2 days) from 6pm on June 3rd to 11:30pm on June 12th.
• The shortest interval between masturbations was the 3.5 hours from 11pm on May 22nd to 2:30am on May 23rd.
• The most I have masturbated in a 24-hour period is thrice on Friday, October 13th.

Masturbation by Day of the Week

Masturbation by Month

Masturbation by Hour

Orientation:

• I thought about heterosexual intercourse 65 times. That's 49.6% of the time.
• I thought about homosexual intercourse 60 times. That's 45.8% of the time.
• That leaves 6 occasions (4.58%) on which I didn't think about a specific kind of intercourse.

Other Stats:

• I utilized porn 73 times. That is 55.7% of the time.
• I utilized lubricant 55 times. That is 41.98% of the time.
• I noted using lotion 21 times (38% of lubricated incidents).
• I noted using soap 16 times (29% of lubricated incidents).
• That leaves 18 lubricated occasions on which I did not note the kind of lubricant. I was not strict about recording lubrication data - most of the undocumented incidents are probably soap.
• I employed anal stimulation 19 times. That's 14.5% of the time.
• On 6 occasions I fantasized about people I know personally.
  

Location:

1. Shower (47 times)
2. Toilet (43 times)
3. Computer (30 times)
4. Bed (3 times)
5. Bathroom (twice)
6. Chair (twice)
   
7. My dreams (twice)
8. Porch (once)
9. Public bathroom (once)

Description:

1. Good (14 times)
2. Fine (11 times)
3. Terse (8 times)
4. Alright (7 times)
5. Ordinary (6 times)
6. Meh (5 times)
7. Usual (3 times)

Each of the following descriptions occurred twice

• Awesome
• Fast
• Forgetable
• Goood
• Gooood
• Great
• Intense
• Quick
• Underwhelming

Each of the following descriptions occurred once

• Almost non-existant
• Anal extravaganza!
• Analstravaganza
• As expected
• As to be expected
• Athletic
• Awful
  
• Belabored and underwhelming
• Better
• Bland
• Calming
• Chair
• Creative
• Devoid of satisfaction
• Disappointing
  
• Dreadfully ordinary
• Drooling
• Elaborate
• Elongated
• Excellent
  
• Extremely short
• Fdskfdssdf
• Goooood
• Laborious
• Lackluster
• Long
• Meaningless
• Meaningless cum
• Minimalistic
• Minor
• Minor in the extreme
• My right arm went numb
• Nice
• Norm
• Not as complete a void as I had feared
• Not that great
• Not what the poets promised
• Nothing special
• Numbing
• Overrated
• Pretty good
• Prolonged
• Quick and dirty
• Really good
• Ritualistic
• Short-ish
• Special
• Strenuous
• Surprisingly satisfying
• Titillating
  
• Typical
• Unsensational
• Very unsatisfying
• Well
• You know

Method:
Results were added as events to a Google calendar. Each entry formally recorded the orientation, location and a brief summary. Further information was provided in an optional verbose description. Analysis was performed with a C# program utilizing Google's .NET GData API client library [1]. Formal data (orientation, location and summary) was parsed directly and calculated. Informal data (porn usage et al) was parsed in situ from the verbose description. Graphs were created with OpenOffice.

Objectivity:
As with quantum theory, observation has surely influenced the outcome. It is possible that I did not masturbate when I otherwise would have because of an inability to record the results. It is also very likely that I - consciously or otherwise - attempted to balance the frequency of hetero and homosexual incidents. While the knowledge of the test may have had some small effect upon the results, I feel the data accurately reflects my natural masturbation habits. While I obviously don't have data prior to the 2nd of May, 2006, the results keep with my sense of pre-test behavior.

Future:
I do not intend to continue recording my masturbation habits in the immediate future. I may conduct additional tests of longer or shorter durations at some later point, but I want to rub some out off the record for a while.

Conclusion:
I don't masturbate very much. I'm often occupied with other things and simply can't bother. Sometimes when preparing to masturbate (usually in the shower), my mind will wander and I will lose my erotic interest. It would probably be in my interest to masturbate more frequently. Now that the test is over, I hope to find more time for impromptu masturbation, unencumbered by concerns of time and internet connectivity.


"Wank long, wank hard!" - Harry Truman

Zesty Lemons

I wrote this:

The Downside of Suffering

Today we did a guerrilla run of Romeo and Juliet in Central Park. Alacrity drove me to injury in the balcony scene: I skinned my knees whilst attempting a "rock and roll slide" on the gravel. Bandaged with a piece of Craig's shirt and on my feet again, I remarked to Grant and Steven, between slurps of the icicle pop Steve got me, that I relish the rare occasions on which I am the victim. I don't desire sickness or accident but when such things befall me I find guilty pleasure in the attention and popsicles. Injured and without my wallet as I am, it is reassuring to know that I have friends who will help and love me. I would do the same for any of them.

I was feeling significantly less kumbaya as I walked the mile from campus to Lafayette on my bum legs - without a MetroCard or the means to purchase one - and hungry for the food I cannot buy without cash, card, or student ID. That, I suppose, is the downside of suffering.

"That's so meta." -Craig on Travis doing Alex doing Julia doing that line from Shakespeare in Love

Pop Quiz

How much of my wallet got stolen today:

1. The laundry card
2. Two of fifteen dollars
3. My old Duane Reade receipts
4. All of it

If you answered "All of it," you're the big winner. What do you win? Well friend, you do not win money, or laundry credit, old receipts, or even a driver's license, student ID, credit card or MetroCard. No, you win the grand pleasure of loaning me cash. Use the privilege wisely.

Why I like writing code better than writting essays

I confess, while writing this post I came to realize that these two things are more alike and I would prefer. The main difference between writing code and writing essays is that you immediately know what your code does.

This game is amazing.

21: A Space Odyssey

It was my 21st birthday yesterday.

• I slept in.
• I had a nice rehearsal.
• I saw some 15 minute plays.
• My friends bought me lots of drinks. I was terribly drunk. I love them.
• I went home.
• I got into bed.
• The fire alarm went off. At 3 in the morning.
• We egressed. I was still terribly drunk.
• We regressed. I was still terrible drunk.
• I got back into bed.
• I fell asleep.

The End.

I'm in Shock

Grindhouse is the best cinematic experience I've ever had. Ever.

Statistics

Exactly 2 years ago on April 20th, 2005, Google launched Search History, allowing users to record every search they make and every result they visit. Two years worth of searches must say something about me, so here are the stats:

In the 730 days from 7:19pm, 20 April 2005 to 12:45am, 20 April 2007...

• I conducted 12,173 searches. That's an average of 16.68 searches per day.
  
• There are 44 days on which I conducted no searches.
• The longest search-free stretch came over the five days from 31 July - 4 Aug of '06. I was visiting Lex in Austin TX at the time.
  
• The hour of day when I search most is 12 - 12:59am: 1,063 searches.
• The hour of day when I search least is 7 - 7:59am: 11 searches.
• The day of the week on which I search most is Tuesday: 1,951 searches.
• The day of the week on which I search least is Friday: 1,518 searches.
• The top month is August with 1,436 searches.
• The bottom month is July with 716 searches.
• My first recorded search was: order the guy in a chicken suit to do things (I was looking for the Subservient Chicken).
  
• My most frequent search queries include
• stock:GOOG - Clicking on Google's stock price on my homepage used to perform this search.
  
• gmail - I often just type this into Firefox's location bar as a quick way to get to Gmail. FF then does an "I'm Feeling Lucky" search which shows up in my search history.
  
• azureus - Back when I would reinstall Windows every six months, this was one of my first downloads.
  
• media player classic - As was this.
  
• summer of code - Been doing this search a lot lately. The SoC URL is tough to remember.
  
• steam - I use this query when I'm testing a new search feature.
  
• daily show - I used to do this search to find the Daily Show video page. These days I use YouTube.

I love statistics and I especially love statistics about myself. I'll have some really interesting numbers to share with you in a few weeks which I've been collecting for some time, but until then I hope this quenches your thirst for me-related data.

Well, be!

You're in Luck

6 months ago I informed you - "threatened" might be more accurate - that you had until April 19, 2007 to switch to Ubuntu or else I would not be your friend anymore. Well it's April 19 and guess what: you're in luck! because I'm officially extending the deadline*. You now have all the way until at least October 18th to mend your wicked ways. Generous of me, I know, but that's just who I am. Now for the good news: the new version of Ubuntu is available today, right on schedule.

Now listen up. You don't have to install Ubuntu (yet), but you really ought to. Here's why:

• At the tantalizing price of FREE, it's cheaper than just about anything else out there, Vista included.
• It's easier to use than any version of Windows. The Mac is still the easiest, but I refer you again to point one.
• Far and away, this is the best version of Ubuntu yet! Obviously, but this release has some major enhancements to ease the move from Windows. OS migration tools, automatic audio/video codec downloading, vendor-provided graphics drivers, and network management are just the highlights. It also has Wicked Retarded desktop effects (disabled by default).
• It is free. No, not "free" as in "I refer you again to point one," but "free" as in "freedom." Emancipate yourself from the shackles of proprietary operating systems. Resistance is not futile. Join the revolution!
• I will love you if you do. I may still like you if you don't (at least until 18 Oct), but switching to Ubuntu guarantees you a special place in my heart.
• All the cool kids are doing it. I mean, I'm doing it. Come on!
• You will get cancer if you don't. It's true. I read it somewhere.
• Vagina.

So those are just some of the great reasons to start using Ubuntu. What are you waiting for? Head on over to Ubuntu.com and grab this bad boy. Baby Jesus wants you to.

* The reason I'm extending the deadline is that Beryl/Compiz default enablement slipped again.

t - ter - test

Great living American, or Greatest Living American?

Torrential Rain!

It was raining like a mathafaka today, all day. Crazy, crazy rain. April. Pshaw.

Watch this.

Saturday

Regular people are painfully uninteresting. Didn't do much of anything today.

Thursday, 12 April

• Masked Drama was abbreviated today.
• Saw Alex Lindsay speak. He's great.
• Afforded only 15 minuets to work out. FrownyFace.
  
• Rehearsed until my vocal cords were no more.
• Listened to audio from a debate entitled "We'd be better off without religion." Check it out here. The first speaker is my favorite.
• Quiznos' toaster was broken. Boooo!

If I could have the answer to one question, it would be, "Are humans psychologically determinate?"

I'm In!

To the Google Summer of Code, that is. Better still, both of my applications were accepted. Applicants can only work on one project, so I received an IM from Joe Shaw (head of the Beagle project, to which I had applied) asking on which project I would prefer to work. Despite having earlier told myself that I would take Beagle if given the chance, I decided to go with the other project: porting Banshee to Windows. I've started a blog just about the project, so if you're interested you can keep up on that. Hopefully that means you won't suffer too many highly-technical posts on this blog. Hopefully.

This thing pays $4,500. Sveet!

Haha

I had the best laugh I've had in a long time last night with Grant. Today I was late for class because I thought it started at 10:30. It began at 9:30.

We say "take a shit" when we really mean "leave a shit."

Grrr

There are repairs happening on the side of our building. It involves hammering and drilling and loud Spanish. It's very annoying.

Strike, Drum!

This Washington Post article has me looking at street musicians with new eyes.

Easter an All

Happy Easter. This has been a three-day weekend for me which has been vry nahs. I made a Gtk user interface for my brainfuck interpreter/compiler and I may do a Forms one for the benefit of all those Windows brainfuck developers.

The worst part about being right is actually being wrong.

Branching Attention

I previously mentioned my propensity to jump from article to article when browsing Wikipedia. Well, I noticed myself doing it today and thought I'd share my journey. Thank God for Firefox's "Undo Close Tab" command!

• MSN
• Windows Live
• Microsoft Passport Network
• Windows Live ID
• MSNBC
• Countdown with Keith Olbermann
• Keith Olbermann
• Criticism of Bill O'Reilly
• Outfoxed (on Google Video)
• LexisNexis
• American Civil Liberties Union

I didn't hit that many pages, but Outfoxed was over an hour long. Good Good Friday, everyone!

I Dreamt A Dream Tonight

Actually, two nights ago. In my dream, I missed a segment on The News Hour with Jim Lehrer about a gravity machine. I went to the NYU library to see an archive of the piece. At the reception desk was my friend James (who works the 2nd floor desk at Adler). I showed him my student ID and he signaled me toward a viewing theater. I entered the room and a news segment began playing, but it was the wrong one. I stepped out of the theater to inquire about the mixup, but rather than find James behind the desk, I saw Jim Lehrer laying on a bed, naked, masturbating. I retreated to the theater and waited some minutes until I thought it safe again. When I re-emerged, I stood face to face with Jim Lehrer's wife. Then I woke up.

The Most Hated Family in America

The Most Hated Family in America

A fascinating BBC2 doc on the Phelps family.

Brainfucker

My brainfuck compiler is now an open source project. Check it out here.

Thanks to J.B. Evain for some pointers and for the wonderful Cecil.

Monday

There is one genuinely older person in my life who I would love to fuck.

April Fool's Day

I'm a fool. I'm from April. I guess I'm an April Fool.

FRIDAY:

• Class and rehearsal.
• I went to see Pete & James' show. It included a piece I had previously seen often in Speech (Pillow Talk).
• Libby treated James and me to dessert. She's my Juliet.
• I went home.
• I dinked around on the InterTubes until 2am.
• At 2am, I decided I ought to write a brainfuck compiler in C#.
• I went to bed.

SATURDAY:

• I started writing a brainfuck compiler in C#.
• I got food.
• I finished writing a brainfuck compiler in C#.

SUNDAY (April Fool's Day):

• Rehearsal.
• I saw no less than seven Honda Elements roaming city streets today. Luckily, there were people within punching distance on each occasion.
• Gym.
• Goddamn Upstien was Goddamn closed. Goddamnit.
  

Thursday, March 29th Was Awesome

As you may already know, today was awesome. I woke up to a call at 9am from my masked drama teacher. He was phoning to tell me that our 11 o'clock class was canceled. He also said I was a wonderful actor with whom he would love to work in the future. +2 ego, +5 sleep.

I got up at 2, took a shower, shaved, and had a samich. Then I saw a wonderful presentation by Ken Perlin. He sounds a little like Wally Shawn. Then I had Chipotle with a friend. It was back to the dorm for some good porn and a great wank. Then I watched the News Hour and they had a sensational story about the trial of Hamlet (audio). This is the first (and probably only) rehearsal day when I am not called, so I went to the gym and had dinner. I took another shower and turned on my computer to write this post. 10 minutes till the Daily Show. What a great day.

Mar 27

The weather today in New York was beautiful. And I'm not just making small talk to get into your pants. Believe me, it was better than most any other weather.

I had (some) class today. I had a brief but fierce time @ ze gym. Then it was rehearsal, which was super duper. Then Jennifer* bought me dinner. Did I mention the weather was obscenely awesome? It brought my drooling vagina every moist pleasure this life has to offer.

* No, I don't know Jen either.

Sunday, March 25

Went to the gym in the first time in 2 1/2 weeks. It was severely intense.

"Saying you're patriotic is like saying you have a big cock: if you have to say it, chances are it's not true." -Bill Maher

Excerpt

"I have a special talent, want to see?"

Before I tell you what her talent was, I feel like I should tell you about everything that I hoped it would be at the time. The first thing that came to my mind was the idea that she wanted to show off her incredible talent at giving head. When she made a move toward the bed instead of my chair, that fantasy was quickly upgraded to a talent of being able to provide hot, wild sex to any male in need. My eyes were wide and I was ready to pounce on her.. She planted herself on the bed, leaned back, lifted her knees up, grabbed them and spread her legs, revealing her rather large vagina to me. I was on the edge of my seat, leaning forward, ready to dive in..

She... had a look on her face. It wasn't the look that I was hoping for. It was more a look of intense concentration. I wasn't sure if I was disappointed yet because I somehow knew that something very special was about to happen. I thought about the possibilities. Perhaps she was going to coax herself to a squirting orgasm without touching. Perhaps she had a ping-pong ball hidden in there, ready to fly in my direction with the right contraction of her muscles. Maybe she just had a really awkward way of seducing men. Nothing I could think of, though, could prepare me for what I was about to... hear.

It came in disjointed sequence at first; a little out of tune perhaps. It improved as she went along, though. The sounds she was making with her vagina drew my attention in. I was mesmerized. She was queefing "Mary Had A Little Lamb." If you think about all the kids you cheered in middle school as they performed an armpit symphony or belched the alphabet in a single breath, they had nothing on Mirium. This was divine. I applauded.

PORN! From the inside (Part 2)

4-22

It was warm today. I wore shorts.

Little Blessings

God bless the one-turd shit.

Spring Break Wrapup

Spring break has come and gone. The Cliff Notes:

• Ate lots of food. (I'm slowly spooning chunky peanut butter down my gullet at this very moment)
• Mommy bought me some new cloths.
  
• Had lots of quality Brittany Time(tm).
• Made a program for my Mum to handle a misbehaved digital camera (it doesn't work because Windows sucks the fuck).
• Applied for the Google Summer of Code.
• Watched Stranger Than Fiction and Zodiac and 300 (at the IMAX with Beckman) and Casino Royal.
• My cousin Josh stopped over for a day on his way to Mexico.
• I am still the Undisputed Pinball Master of the Universe(tm). UPMOTU FTW!
  

Wanna die? Everyone's doin' it.

Fuck You

• Fuck you, Canal St
• Fuck you, Windows
• Fuck you, Project Echelon
• Fuck you, C
• Fuck you, Viacom
• Fuck you, RIAA
• Fuck you, NYU
• Fuck you, DNA
• And fuck you again, Windows

Happy Ides of March

Films and Flesh

Yesterday I saw

• Manhattan
• The Science of Sleep
• 300

Today I did a nude scene. I didn't think it was going to be a nude scene, but that's how the cookie crumbled.

Person, Place, Perception

At long last the New Year's Resolvers have fled the gym. Pre-January Monday levels are still high, but it isn't a beehive anymore. This observation reminded me of another incident a few days ago. The Weinstein all-you-can-eat dining hall (known as "Downstein," it is located below the "Upstein" food court) hits normal peak hours around 7pm on weekdays. At fill tilt, Downstein hosts about 80-100 kids and the wait for the grill is two minutes tops. Certain Saturdays, kids from an inner-city high school are fed at NYU dining halls (I don't know why).

Well, I made my Saturday lunch run to Downstein only to find a swarm in excess of 500 high school kids. Loud and rude, they held up the grill for ten minutes. By the time my order was up, there was no chicken. I left without eating and went to another dining hall, but while braving The Shit I realized how completely this throng of young people transformed the space for me. I barely recognized the room in which I stood, and in which I stand almost every day. The people made the place wholly different: I had the intense sensation that I was getting lunch back at Eastview. The crowd, the noise, the judging and the sense of being judged. It was all very transporting.

I realized that one's perception of a place is heavily tempered by the human presence in that place. The gym, Downstein, it's true anywhere.

Saturday

Saturday, 3 March, 2007 DTR: 5,515

• Guess what time I got to bed last night. SevenFuckingThirty! Boy did I need that.
• Yesterday I did the Bertram & Dianna seduction scene from All's Well. I was also a supernumerary in three other scenes. It's all about me!
• Remember, it's still RIAA Boycott Month. You haven't been buying any major label CDs, have you?

"Boooo?"

It's On!

It's RIAA Boycott Month.

Rabbit Fucking Rabbit

Oh, and it's March. yippee

C is still for...

Did I mention how completely I loath C? Let me say it again: C is for Cunt-Achingly Awful!

Mon Feb 26

Monday, 26 February, 2007 DTR: 5,519

• I stayed up really late (early) last night working on a computer project.
• I got up really late (late) today and puttered around a little.
• I really need to read a whole lot (shitloads) for tomorrow's class.
  

Probo

Probo: a hobo who gives money away.

RIAA Boycott, Strangers With Candy, &c.

March is RIAA Boycott month. Tell everyone you know.

I recently learned that Orlando, my clowning teacher last year, is in fact Orlando from Strangers With Candy. Holy fuckall. He also went to Juliard. Blow me blue! (special note: if you downloaded SWC but still haven't watched it - you know who you are - you're on notice! Watch that shit or else!)

We just had our first JimmyDay: a single 7-hour marathon class with James Edward Tripp. It is orgastic. The next two Friday's are also Jimmiganzas.

All is vanity

Interests & Such

Topics and things in which I have an extraordinary interest

• Language
• Anatomy
• Myself
• Logic and its associated fields (math, comp sci, &c.)
• Silence
• Explanations
• Death

Topics and things in which I have a subordinary interest

• Money
• Most other people
• Food
• Studying
• Music
• Meaning
• Children
  

This Just In

I hate C.

Leave it to Serotonin

I couldn't quite decide if I should hit the gym today... but Mr. Random Nap could.

President's Day

• Almost forgot there was no class today.
• Wikiwondered about various manned space missions, past and future.
• Saw Factory Girl. It was alright. Guy Pearce was exceptional.
  

Days

This blog started as a daily journal of my happenings. I've gotten significantly lazier about posting over the year, but here's a rough outline of my schedule this semester.

1. Wake up at...
1. 7* on Mon, Tues, Thur
2. 9 on Wed, Fri
2. Get breakfast**
3. Go to class***
4. Get lunch****
5. Go home and check The Internet
6. Watch The News Hour with Jim Lehrer at 7
7. Go to the gym at 8
8. Eat dinner at Palladium (the gym) at 9.30
9. Go home and do more computer stuff
10. Watch Daily Show and Colbert Report from 11-12
11. Do God knows what until I realize it's 2am
12. Crawl into bed

* 12pm if I don't go to class
** Lunch if I don't go to class
*** NOT go to class if I don't go to class
**** An early dinner if I didn't go to class

I hope this provides a useful insight into my life. If you ever look at your watch and wonder, "I wonder what Scott's doing right now?" you'll know*****. Well, goodnight everybody.

***** Or you won't know, depending on whether or not I went to class

Notes on a Scandal

Bill Nighy is my vision of God.

... Therefore iAm

New York state Senator Carl Kruger is proposing legislation to ban iPods and other consumer electronics from city sidewalks. Here's the story. Here's my letter to Senator Kruger:

Senator,
As a New Yorker much in love with my iPod, I feel obliged to rebuke your proposed ban of personal electronics from city streets. The notion that an iPod could ever lead a person ill is wholly wrongheaded: My iPod is a glistening white angel of purity who would never harm a soul. To the contrary, it's lively melodies have often a time spared me such tragedies as may befall my more languid un-plugged self. Buzz-kill, for instance, frowning, another, and dispiritedness all are avoided by the proper use of an iPod. The funky-tunes and mad-beats send a hoppin' rhythm right were one needs it most: the hips! Should I, possessed in the wild throws of trance-dancing, find my way into oncoming traffic, all the better! Young though I am, fears of a painful or disreputable death plague me oft. Murder or fall-from-great-height or asphyxiation-by-corndog seem to me as distasteful as soiling my old-man diapers for the last time. But, to be seized by the lord at the climax of Bohemian Rhapsody... ushered gently into His hands by the hood of a Buick... Hallelujah! It's not how long you live, it's how many much Queen you listened to.

Although... I'd worry about the iPod. I don't think it comes to heaven with me (they have, like, super GodPods or something up there, right?) and chances are it wouldn't fair the Buick as well as my immortal soul. Its delicate electronics strewn all about the sidewalk would be a hideous sight indeed, and the loss of a consumer device is never a pleasant affair. No, that wouldn't do at all. I'm afraid I'll have to look both ways for Mimsy's sake (Mimsy is my iPod). Very well then. I promise you, Senator, that I will not jump in front of traffic while wearing my iPod. There, all settled. Now about this proposed legislation... "What legislation?" Exactly Senator.

-Scott & Mimsy

Feb Six

• Fact: I meant to do my laundry today.
• I basically spent the whole day working on my comp project. It's lookin' nice.
  

Feb Fiv

• It is hella cold.
• Skim their primsy hoes!
  
• Not going to the gym for three days is no way to live your life.
• Clare and I were gonna go to the city's Waitangi day celebration but she was too tired, so we're just gonna drink a lot this weekend and call it belated observance.
  

COLTS!

I'll say it again. COLTS!

• Didn't hit the gym today.
  
• Had one meal.
• Watched the game (see above).
• Played Wii for the first time. Awesomenessest

Whuchoolookinaa?

More or Less

The other night I dreamt that Dick Chaney and I were solving a paranormal mystery together. I told Mr. Chaney that I thought he was a really good, honest and decent human being. What have I been smoking?

I've got a new project. I'm writing an IM client. I'll tell you more when it's awesome.

Super Bowl tomorrow!

Nothing is ruined, everything is fine.

Feh Brew Airy

It's February! It really really is.

"To Titan!" - Me, just now

Mon

• Studio.
• Went to Google for a tech talk (I'll link when it's up).
  

Finally: Snow!

As I write this, big fluffy snow flakes are falling all over the place. It's going like gangbusters!

Sat 'er Day

• The blog is back at hipolsoc.blogspot.com.
• If you get this blog via feed, be sure that you're subscribed to the feed linked to on the right: it will always point to this blog, no matter the URL.
• Comp stuff.
• Gym.
  
• Rehearsal.
• Clockwork Orange.

"Well my life has no meaning, but I'm totally sure yours does."

Thrusday the 25th

• Skipped calc.
• Loved Masked'.
• Finished Dracula.
• Whacked It.
• Pumped iron.
• Ate babies.

Just makin' sure you're still here.

Two's Day

• Food.
• Calc a.k.a. sleep.
• Food.
• Theater Studies a.k.a. sortainteresting.
• Food.
• State of The Union a.k.a. blewmyfuckingsocksoff.

Not really.

Quest Ion

Are all fashions in art and philosophy inevitable? How do we define or conceive of "all fashions?" I suppose there is no theoretical limit on the number of new kinds of art or philosophy to be imagined, but I believe the average human mind is limited in what it will accept as "art" and "philosophy." There are a near infinite number of nonsensical/arbitrary philosophies to which no sane person would earnestly subscribe. Perhaps there is a given tolerance for deviation from a central theme of Art/Philosophy which a statistical majority of our linear, discrete, biological consciousnesses are willing to accept. Perhaps one day we will fully explore that space. We will have every artistic and philosophical revolution to be had. We will then fail to recognize subsequent revolutions as being to the point of Art of Philosophy. Or maybe our minds will evolve. Are all fashions in art and philosophy inevitable?

Two Days Later

• I got to bed at 10pm last night.
• I woke up today feeling grrrreat!
• Then I sat in a chair for fouuuuuur and a half houuuuuuurs.
• I was sleeeeeepyyyyy.
• BUT THEN I had lunch.
• Pizza!
• And then I did crazy movement things. Crazy, I say!
• And and and, other stuff too um...
• There were Cheerios...
• and gym...
• and Rita Brown (a.k.a. Diarrhea Rita)...
• and I guess that's it um yeah.

!!$2 REWARD!!
Fast - Faster - Fastest
WANTED - Better - Best

The Wankers!

The Gym closes at 8 in the afternoon! on Saturdays. The Wankers!

Friday

• Our Friday studio schedule is really pretty sveet. For once!
• Read and Napped.
  
• Attended a talk by Cory Doctorow. He's always fun(ny).
  
• More food.
• Sorta got walked in on while looking at porn.

Love is the lie we tell ourselves to keep from dying.

Jan 18 (a Thursday)

• Cal Q. Luss.
• The first day of Masked Drama portends good times ahead.
• I was told today that something was, quote, "fierce." That event was, in and of itself, fierce. Recursive fierceness.
  
• I lunched (slowly) with two lovelies.
• Nappy nap nap.
  
• January means a bunch of New Year's Resolvers bunching up the weight room. Reinhardt assures me this tapers off by February.
• I saw four friends at the gym. This is odd. (Mem., am I being stalked? Should grow mustache)
• Am in high spirits.

This is my forth consecutive day of napping. What is becoming of me? Slow-eating, whole-milk-drinking, napper! Pretty soon I'll just come to a total stop.

First Day of Studio

• My fast was working, then I broke it.
• Studio once ageen. It was a bit queer. There are so few of us this semester. It was good to see some people who were away last semester (Travis, Claire, etc.).
  
• Ate at Naturally Tasty. I had eggplant.
  
• Began discussing our rehearsal-project-esk thing. Went OK. Emphasis on the OK.
• Read.
• Napped.
• Newsed.
  
• Gymed.
• Supped.
• Call my momed.
  
• Daily Showed.
• Read.
• Fixed the fast.

The speed with which I eat has precipitously declined over the last year or so. I am now a dreaded Slow-Eater. Coupled with my whole milk fixation, I expect to find horns sprouting beneath my hair any day now.

First Day of Classes

• Breakfasted.
• Calc, you old coot. My Calc teacher knows my cousin. They are both neuroscience post-grads.
• Dined.
• Read.
• Napped.
  
• History of Women Directors is going to be a lot of work.
• Supped.
• Went to the planetarium (it was closed).
  
• Watched the News.
• Fixed my computer.
• Read.
• Napped.
  

VERY Special

• Had breakfast with Nick, Lex, Antonietta and her girlfriend, Alex.
• Bade the abroad bound goodbye.
• Read.
• Napped
  
• After three weeks, I make my triumphant return to the gym. It was intense. Hooray!
• I saw no less then six people I know at the gym: KyDude, Lauren A., E. Korth, Reinhardt, Dan, and Dave my RA.
• Saw a movie with Jordi and Ross.
• There is a special ring of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in the theater.

Classes start at 8:55a tomorrow - excuse me, today. How fucking excited am I!

Back Again

Every time I return to the city I feel a little more like I'm coming home. My school is not a place in the way other colleges are. We half-jokingly call Washington Square Park our "campus," but it's really just a small park with lots of kids. This contributes to the homeliness of going back to school. I'm living some place that I could conceivably call home for my adult life: New York City.

The flight was fine. I've started reading Dracula (Laura gave it to me for Christmas along with The Origins of Species - she knows just what I like). I met my new roommate: Joe. He's a transfer from BU. I was delighted to learn that Lex and Nick were still in the city (they leave for Italy tomorrow). I was equally delighted to learn that Ross's girlfriend, Jordi, is living in Lafayette this semester. Ross, Jordi and I went out to dinner and then to meet Lex and Nick at a Belgium beer place. Then we came back to the room for quesadillas, muffins, movies, and bad wine. We started watching Fargo but popular opinion ultimately sided with Old School. I'm feeling well.

Live, Damnit!

My youth is fast evaporating and I say that so much even I'm getting tired of it but that doesn't mean it isn't true. Maybe I'd better do something about it. Like live.

You can tell school's about to start again 'cause I'm getting all depressed and abstract. I don't think I'm particularly good at living. I'm good at being alive. Really good. But not at living. SEE WHAT I MEAN! Depressed and abstract.

Just watched The Illusionist and 12 Monkeys. Saw Lizzy for the first and only time this winter. Had breakfast at Brit's where I also shimmied. This is not the correct order of events, by the way.

I'm ready to get back to school. I think my subconscious arranges my emotions such that I'm always ready to leave just when it's time to go. I wish I had interesting things to say, but this will have to do for now. The observation I was hoping to make can no longer be made. Ack! That post is from 2005. I'M SO OLD!!!

Word to the Wise

Bacardi Raspberry Rum and Mott's Apple Juice do not - I repeat, DO NOT mix. Tell everyone you know.

Recently

• I finished my aforementioned Phi book.
• I have an iRection.
• I have an erection.
• I've been playing the charming Russian puzzle game Full Pipe.
• I watched all of Black Books, a Britcom Sam turned me on to.
• I watched the following films:
• I [heart] Huckabees (own it)
• Blade Runner (own it)
• The Good Shepard
• Children of Men (saw twice)
• Lock, Stock & Two Smokin' Barrels
  
• Midnight Cowboy
• A History of Violence
  
• K-PAX (own it)
• Starship Troopers (own it)

Who knows what adventures await me...
Just around the river bend!

Come into my parlor...

Must watch:

The Unsuccessful Older Brother

Two coconuts ARE NOT ENOUGH!
I'm a hungry monkey and I don't have a mommy or the agricultural expertise to cultivate domesticated dairy cows, and I need milk like right monkey now!
Ooh Ooh Ahh Ahh Eek Van Winkle Almighty God Hail Consumerism I Love You WHAT KIND of stupid noise do I need to make to get more coconuts?!
I'll dance.
I'll eat shit.
I'll go to space.
The family is falling apart and so much for "Great."
Of the kibbles - red and green - which is better for the teeth?

Footnote

For now, at least, this blog can be found at
www.lunchtimemama.com

I'm sleepless in bed, so I wrote this instead

There's nighttime, there's bedtime, and then there's sleep time. There's dream time, there's wake time, there's day and lunch and light and dark and long and short time. There's plenty of and especially there isn't any time. There's tea and game and the right and not a good and half and over and quiet and supper and winter and summer time. There's do you have the and I've lost track of time. There's a time to live and a time to die. There's a time for love and a time for other stuff too. There's night time, there's bed time, and then there's sleep time.

The No. 1 Rule of Lying

Never ever ever ever ever lie to yourself.

Parsing Base64 Encoded Smart Playlists from iTunes Music Library.xml

Dear Google,
I commit this post to your index in the hopes that it may one day satisfy the query of a woebegone programmer desiring, for some unholy reason, to interpret the Base64 encoded binary representation of the logical criteria of smart playlists in the iTunes Music Library.xml file, for the fate they should otherwise suffer is a hell I know all too well. They are to rejoice, for the code is neigh. And Behold! for it is C#. Alas, it is not the prettiest of code; I am young and strange to the ways of computer science; but it does work. It is to be found in SmartPlaylistParser.cs and in Enums.cs, and the project to which this code is a part is to be found here, and a demonstrable screencast of the project is here. And, dear Google, should you lead the curious coder hither, and should this post prove to be "just what [they] needed," how I hope they will send me an email to let me know (lunchtimemama at gmail) for it would positively make my day! I trust this gives you all the keywords you need to unite them and me in happy fortune. Good indexing!

-SP

Do you have stairs in your house?

It is Tuesday, January Second, Two Thousand and Seven. I'm just back from "Miss Zula" Montana where I spent four days with Sam & Co. [insert more description here]

I've posted before about the deleterious effect tabbed browsing has on my attention span, but it promotes another behavioral pattern: "branching attention." My tendency toward branching attention is most obvious when I browse Wikipedia. As I read, I will detour into other topics of interest. Ten links later, I've got a scrolling row of tabs and more info than I'll ever need about the ampersand. As I finish the distal articles, I move precipitously toward the original topic, branching every now and again. At long last, I complete the prime page as well as a journey through the wisdom of man. I'm always surprised to find where I end up. One of these days I ought to map such a WikiWalk and post it.

Branching attention online is salient because it's easy to branch (open link in new tab) and it's easy to get back (close tab), but I was surprised to notice this habit persisting offline. As you may recall, I recently had some time to kill in the La Guardia Airport. The only book I recognized from terminal shop's pitiful selection was The Da Vinci Code. I read a hundred or so pages before encountering the number Phi. As chance would have it, I then happened upon a book devoted entirely to the topic of the golden ratio and I made Steve buy it for me. Da Vinci is now on hold while I read my Phi book, which I am enjoying very much. There have been numerous references to other tomes on math, art, philosophy and more, but I think I'm going to check my offline branching: books are a lot more expensive than tabs.