BOOHOOFORTZFORTZFORTZ

let us pile the pillows and cushions into a fort
then let us pretent to cry about our failure as
TWO HARD CORE PORN TWINKS

TRCOBLTSM

"jesus' shit, judas' jizz"
- a satisfied parishioner

are you

the wrong size?

or

COVERED IN BUGS?!

or ONE OF BILLIONS who

already died???

join

The REFORMED Church Of Better Living Through Self-Medication,

bitchezzzzz!

we got rid of

The Kiddy Fiddlers

and Crufty Old God

soooooo we're just saddling our

SLAUGHTERED SCAPE GOAT

IN THE VESTIBULE!!

COME for

sweet & sour communion,

STAY for "Eternity"

"OR WHATEVER"

;)

ThE cHuRcH oF bEtTeR lIvInG tHrOuGh SeLf-mEdIcAtIoN

i mean

THE REFORMED CHURCH OF BETTER LIVING THROUGH SELF-MEDICATION!!

for more information,

SAY YOUR PRAYERS!

oiu

our shit smells the same
if we play a no good game
w/ ur dir ty name

planning parenthood

1. kill her while she's down
2. fuck her while she's dead

2-3

Stonewall
Versailles
Sophia
Brooks
Waning
Gibbous
Moon

confidence recipe

some stuff is happening and stuff is short for emotional stuff. i try to put it in, pull it apart, and poop it out like eating. that is short for survival, digestion, and nutrition. it's going ok or even really well. just cannot be too obvious about it. you know.

Things I Fucking Love, Vol. 14

not to mention comprehension

future tops

in my parents' house's downstairs bathroom shower how ok is it to fuck my phantasm teenaged boy body whose ripe asshole was forbidden fruit at the time? it's pretty ok in a teen wet dream time machine shower hour ('cause that's how long the hot water lasts), right?

i'm like a big and thoughtful cucumber. i have one thing to say very slowly and it makes a lot of cucumber sense. i am talking to myself now which is unlike me. the water is hot.

let's sit on the little seat in the shower mould with you on me and the shaky sliding fiberglass door. hold yourself. open your eyes. see that cock? we are the same! enjoy it while you can sweet child, the water is still warm.

he means i am proud of this curiosity or jealousy or whatever about your confusion in a timely dream like some perfect accident. and he means well. oh no, you already came! it's time to stop now. the water isn't hot anyway.

basically i will fuck the fantasy of any memory of me after the habitat for humanity day when i think i was like 14 and 1/2. when masturbation was an education or an invention or something. when i could have been the thomas edison of slutty fruits and vegetables.

cellular miracle

bigger stakes inside my head. please remember that i tried. temptation does not taste of ash (until it is satisfied).



i keep him in his upstairs room (with the stakes) where he plays just my games. we play them together and love each other like boys past bedtime.

other people's better things are all around but they don't belong. i will build this house until the cellular miracle is too good to pretend.

your better things aren't mine but you are.

up past bedtime,

—scott

may the 9th

i have a fantasy in which u r jealous of my relationship w/ ur mom b/c i have another fantasy in which ur mom is really cool & i have that fantasy b/c u said ur mom is really cool & i believe everything u say. if u have cool momz this post is about U!

p.p.p.s.

i actually had a really great time @ space camp even though my model rocket didn't take off and i cried about it.

u r not human

i no ur not b/c of ur overt charm & ur dead eyes & ur user-agent. nice try, robot menace attempt!

next time makeout w/ some1 cuter and perfecter than me & i'll believe ur 2nd r8 charade. human intrigue seduction ritualz r my 4té, bitch.

i'm in the mine shaft, about to bust through the stone wall to the tomb of the ancient kings.



p.s., kirk fogg, where are you?

p.p.s., i am going to listen to my cd player @ space camp

themes

major themes of this reality:

• transformation
• subjectivity
• professionalism

major themes of the next reality:

• rhythm
• booty
• fuchsia

FAME!

google maps has a new view with 3d keyhole sexiness right into teh browser. better still, google is using my washington sq. arch model from '07. you're welcome, humanity!


View Larger Map

i think i'm off

rey has collected over 25 Spring Eggs and their Spring Basket is now 'Burgeoning'!

first of all, farmville, punctuation goes inside the quote marks. and "their" is plural. rey has collected over 25 Spring Eggs and his or her Spring Basket is now 'Burgeoning!' and since facebook requires one to conform oneself to the gender binary you ought to know with which sexist pronoun to reference my friend rey. none the less, this datum TURNS ME ON!

according to my science, it is spring. that equinox when dyed hair begins to bloom. my hair says hello, by the way. the future approaches as ever, whispering to me through each inch of male patterned baldness. my new future holographic hairdo is a pony galloping on a rainbow with SPARKLES bee-tee-dubbs!

so i'm scared. tah da. scared of it. not the hair thing silly. it the real it. you know and i know and we both know. and i feel like i fell out of a pocket and got ran over by a cab. but rey's basket is burgeoning. but porn is great. but it's spring. but i've got you. and an ipad. and you.

moralobjectivityboner

i've been on smartypants sam harris' youtube trail for years now. brainy good looks on an especially perspicuous speaker make my think-pussy ALL WET! i would rub myself on every inch of this man's face. i embed his public-radio-caliber baratone for your personal viewing pleasure

bulimia is no joke

as usual, all the crazy shit is happening. thankfully, everyone is right where i left them in their crazy little places. shaking my booty helps A LITTLE. joy and everything else feels like a heart-attack. a booty-attack. god, this punctuation makes me want to throw up. HRRUUU,.,..-.-.,.AAGG fuckyoupunctuation bang bang bang bang. now shake that booty. be all things at all times. shakeshake. see the spaces betweeeeen. shakeshake. give generously to public radio. shakeshake. suck your boyfriend off every morning and every night. shakeshake. god, this music is SO GOOD. i'm already really excited. if i had more time i'd DRAW YOU A PICTURE or something. LIKE WRITE A NOTE OR SOMETHING. i'd explain this or that and myself and ya know. but my trusty booty and i have places to be!

BWWWAAAAAAA,.,..-.-.,.,.,..-.-.,...........,.'.'..'.!UF

sweet things

i hope i am permitted a list of sweet things without it sounding too of music

• every giant m&m cookie i ever ate almost every day of middle school even though i got sick of them after the first few months but kept getting them anyway because the fat lunchline checkout lady i always went to would say "i bet you want your cookie today!" and i didn't want to disappoint her.
  
  
• margaret warner's brooches
  
  
  margaret warner on how it is done
  
  
• boring words that have awesome meanings. like awesome - the sum of awe; or essentially - of the essence. think of the shit we could tell each other with better words. upright words above the squalor of quotidian synonymity. impossibly meaningful nouns, verbs, and hand gestures. the things i would tell you with those words. the things we would say...

how much blood constitutes a "wake-up call?"

nice weather for ducks

Much keening for J.D. smacks of rusty adolescence, awkwardly horny for existential perspective. Narcissistic fallacies bloom like acne on the opinion pages.

The "kids today" pop-psychological steriotypifying taughtoillogical bullshit is the same lazy substitute for Actual Thinking it always was, but somehow this sudden context has over-30s in a fogy tizzy: What would Holden think of The Twitter?! The Facebook? The Sexting? The Kids Today might, if they can finish a book, detect trace-element profundities, but real-McCoy Catchers went the way of every op-ed contributor's youth. Gag me with three phony cocks.

When the brilliant bite their own magic dust, the rest of us can ponder God's mercy in modest gifts. But when geniuses — this one in particular — leave the herd, we might just look around and wonder, "was it us?"

The goddamn truth is, we can't stay in Neurotic Neverland forever. Not even if we hide in New Hampshire for 50 years. But Holden Caulfield can. The rest of us will grow up. Grow old at least. But Holden is still waiting for school to start, wondering where ducks go in winter.